Relationships aren’t easy to maintain, and we always have to work on them and cultivate them so that we can reach the right places. However, it’s almost impossible to avoid arguments and occasional fights, but sometimes those fights create situations that we never would have imagined, such as not talking to each other, or even contemplating divorce. Even if you find yourself in a broken relationship, the situation can always be restored, you just have to know how to do so correctly and not to let the emotions you felt while arguing interfere in the process. The following 9 tips will help you do just that, and it is highly recommended to remember them in any case in which the connection between you and another person has been severed by a disagreement or argument. Life is too short to hold a grudge and give up on the people who make life valuable to us.
If you get into an argument with your partner, give yourself (and them) some time for the wounds to heal. If you try to fix things right away, you may do more harm than good. While fighting you may have said things you didn’t mean or even insulted each other in the heat of the moment, give yourself and the other person some time to get back to their senses and think about what happened.
If you try to fix the situation too soon, before both of you have really "cooled down," you risk repeating the same argument. You need to let time do its job and wait patiently for the right moment.
The frustration you experience and feel about the situation or the fight you have over time will increase as you continue to harbor resentment or the other person will resent you, and you need to release the pressure and know how to prevent it from growing, otherwise, it will thwart any good intentions you may have. Sometimes you feel the need to unload and confirm your hurt feeling, and that's okay. It isn’t healthy to hold on to something while pretending that everything is fine.
However, you shouldn’t vent to anyone who will listen. Instead, limit who you share your feelings with to just one person you can trust wholeheartedly. You just have to process your feelings. Expressing the frustration you’re experiencing may not only make you feel better but can also focus you and give you perspective on the process of restoring your relationship.
Our ego has pros and cons, but one thing is certain: our ego is a reflection of the way we see ourselves. Sometimes we try to keep this reflection secret from the outside world, but it has a price because usually when we do, we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
When trying to make up, your ego and that of the person with whom you’re fighting, are obstacles that both of you have to overcome in order to create healthy communication. Get rid of your defenses and reveal your weaknesses. Face fear and the unknown, even if you aren’t sure if the person in front of you will reject or accept you. Remember that they, too, need to vent their frustration; You must be mentally prepared to listen to their say without trying to defend yourself.
Also, try not to complain, be critical, or judgmental. These things will block the transition to healthy communication, so keep an open mind. When you let go of your ego, the goal is to make the other person give up their ego and open up to you. This will remove all barriers that prevent honest and healthy communication.
You have to overcome this initial fear, and it's not as difficult as it seems. Want to send an email? Do not be afraid of the "send" button, it won’t bite. Are you afraid of being ignored? You haven’t spoken to the person you've been fighting with for a while anyway, so what difference will it make?
Don’t be afraid to take the first step, just do it. Find a way to connect with the person you want to bring back into your life. You have nothing to lose because the current situation can’t be worse anyway.
Still trying to figure out who is to blame for everything that happened between you? This means that you’re still living in the past. If you are still playing the blame game, you’re only going to fight again which will shut down any attempts or chances of restoring the relationship. Accept the situation as it is, even if at the moment you can’t understand the logic of the person with whom you fought. If you talk to each other without trying to defend yourself, you can understand each other properly, and many times you’ll realize that the blame is on both of you.
No matter what the other person did to you, imagine yourself forgiving and see yourself returning to the previous relationship before the attempt at reconciliation. Let this thought flood your mind before you speak and try to straighten things out. It's like a golfer who imagines how his ball will fit into the hole, he already sees the way the ball will go towards the hole before he even swings his putter. By seeing your goal clearly in your mind, you can let go of your ego more easily and start the conversation with the right approach. No matter what the result, good or bad, you want the other person to know that your intentions come from a positive place of correcting the situation and not a negative unloading of leftover anger.
An apology not only relieves pain but also shows that you truly want to make up. Even if you do ’t feel guilty, you still played a part in what happened and you have to apologize for it. Say sorry for everything that happened, even for taking so long to reach out or being unable to listen to the other party’s side of the story. They are probably expecting an apology as much as you are.
"Why" is a small 3-letter word that can do more harm than good. When you ask "Why," you’re cornering the other person and making them feel trapped. It's like saying "Explain yourself, you're to blame!" The other person will go into defensive mode and block themselves off before you have a chance to hash things out.
You can try rephrasing the question. Instead of asking "Why did you do that?" Or "Why did you behave like that?" Try asking, "Did I do something that made you feel bad?" Such a question creates less confrontation and stems more from curiosity and a desire to improve our own behaviors.
Even if you know that you aren’t the guilty party, don’t expect an apology and don’t try to elicit a response from the person with whom you fought. Expecting a particular thing brings us back to ego, which may create unnecessary stress or the person opposite you will not meet your expectations and this will put of any chance at reconciliation.
In addition, it is possible that the person with whom you’re fighting with will never feel remorse or regret over their actions and behaviors. If it is true friendship or unconditional love, then you must not set conditions for your relationship and demand an apology. If the other person wants to make the relationship between you work, they will explain himself and let you know that they are sorry, but they need to reach that remorse and understanding on their own.
The positive thing that comes out of the whole process of fighting and repairing a badly damaged relationship is that both of you now know your limits. It's like playing with fire that ends with a burn. Now you know that you can’t cross certain boundaries, but at the same time your relationship will be closer than ever and you’ll have a much deeper understanding of each other which might have not been achieved had you not fought.
Your fixed relationship is like broken pottery that has been inherited and can’t be exchanged for anything in the world. What you did was put glue on the broken piece. Perhaps the pottery doesn’t look as nice as it once did, but it’s still worth something to you, and that’s all that really matters.
Make a conscious choice to maintain the relationships that are important to you. Remember that in this situation, you have nothing to lose, but only what to gain.