A man has been drinking all day at a bar. Late at night, he suddenly checks his clock.
"1:30 am, darn. I need to go home now or the wife's going to kill me," he says to the bartender.
But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor. "I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."
So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but again he falls to the floor, this time even harder. At this point, he realizes this won't work, but he needs to get home no matter what, so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets there, lays down next to his (blissfully sleeping) wife and passes out.
The next morning his wife wakes him up, not kindly.
"So... how was last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day?"
The man is 100% sure his wife was asleep when he got home, so he tries to play it cool: "Not really, just hanging with some coworkers... we didn't drink much... just a couple of beers."
His wife starts nodding understandably: "Ah ha, makes sense."
She starts to turn and then stops and turns back to him:
"Oh, by the way, the bar owner called this morning, your wheelchair's there, idiot."
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