We all experience moments of quarrels and disagreements with our spouses from time to time, and no one enjoys this because we all grew up with the idea that a fight is something negative. Well, this fact is only partially true, because a disagreement, differing opinions, and fights that are conducted within a loving and supportive framework can be much more positive than you think. In fact, there are many psychology and relationship experts who even point to a host of advantages that are related to fights in relationships, and after you get to know them, you’ll understand that fights really don’t have to hurt your relationship...
As long as you aren’t fighting about leaving the toilet seat up, who’s eaten the last slice of cake or what you’re going to watch tonight on TV, marital disputes are a sign of a certain maturity to be assessed. Many of us try to avoid conflicts with our environment as much as possible, but such an approach in relationships can be devastating, which is why it’s good to fight from time to time to act for what is important to us. As we mentioned earlier, these fights should be over important issues and must be held in a mature way without personally attacking the other side or shouting. Remember that your goal shouldn’t be to convince the other person and change their opinion, rather, "We need to reach an agreement, and maybe there’ll be a compromise that requires effort from both sides."
The easiest way to deal with most of the things that bother us about our partners is simply to ignore them, but we don’t. Why? Because we care and we are prepared to deal with the discomfort and sometimes with the emotional pain caused by a fight, in order to invest in improving our marital future. Just like many parents and children who fight, an argument between spouses indicates commitment, hope for a better future and a deep bond, not a desire to “throw in the towel.”
It’s difficult to create a relationship with mutual trust if you do not raise points of disagreement and take care of them when necessary, even though sometimes doing so will lead to an unpleasant argument. In fact, couples who know how to fight in a healthy and correct way (click here to learn how) only benefit from talking to their partners about things that bother them. A good fight helps people honestly share the things that bother them without feeling ashamed or insecure, and helps couples promote changes in behavior through verbal communication.
According to marital and psychologist experts, relationships have a number of key principles such as mutual respect, shared interests, sexual compatibility, and even fights. So, if a couple never argues it may be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship, and that neither side wants to improve the existing situation. The truth is that there is no such thing as perfect relationships and relationships between people are something that constantly changes, moves and develops, so you should always have a desire to engage in the parts of it that can be improved, and sometimes this creates inevitable friction. Keep in mind that although this situation isn’t desirable, it is part of reality and should be understood that at its core it is not necessarily a bad thing.
During a fight, it is important to remember that the goal is not to "win" or to cause the other side to "lose," but to teach and learn to create a process of positive change. The things you say and hear represent thoughts, preferences, personality and core values on both sides, and sometimes you’ll even be surprised by what you might discover about yourself! Exposing this information is an act that requires a lot of openness and willingness to be hurt, which is why the relationship grows stronger when and if the other side responds correctly and changes the conflict from something negative to an experience that strengthens the relationship in the long term.
Being part of a relationship is a wonderful thing, but it isn’t always easy and there will always be a need for mutual compromise around certain issues. Sometimes it’s natural to feel that you’re more flexible than your partner and give up more of them, and as a result, a feeling of resentment can begin to develop. The most direct way to deal with this situation is simply to raise the issues that bother you, to talk about them openly even if there is disagreement, and reach a situation where you feel that your relationship is more balanced than it was. But remember, it’s difficult and almost near impossible to achieve perfect balance in any area of your relationship and co-existence at home. You can’t start holding grudges about every little thing, as this behavior is destructive to a relationship.
According to Joseph Grenny, one of the authors of the bestselling book "Crucial Conversations" on human communication, avoiding unpleasant conversation about a topic that bothers us is a big mistake that affects all relationships, especially in romantic relationships. This avoidance is the first step on the road to creating a communication crisis because our feelings aren’t going anywhere, and if they are kept in and start piling up, it will inevitably lead to a chaotic and emotional argument. Conversely, fights about issues that are bothering you in a timely manner can help you stabilize your relationship in the long term.
The reason that ends this list may seem childish to you, but many experts say it is more important than you think. True, everyone's healthy logic suggests that the last thing couples need is to fight, and that, despite all the positive points described so far, you would still prefer to be in a relationship where there is total agreement on all subjects. Now stop for a moment and think about all the times you reconciled after a quarrel, about the times when you reached a compromise that both sides were pleased with, about the progress you made following differences of opinion, and about loving your spouse even though they are so different from you.