1. Making love when you're not ready
Every day, millions of couples around the world make love without really being turned on. Even though you may be physically aroused, unless you're also psychologically aroused, your time between the sheets isn't going to be as satisfying as it should be. Psychological arousal makes us become more infantile and in-the-moment, and is something that can only be achieved with someone you love deeply.
2. Putting up with bad lovemaking
Making love is supposed to make you happy, and that's why bad lovemaking could end up negatively affecting your life if you let it go on unchecked for long enough. It's important to openly discuss your sexual feelings and desires with your partner, so that you both get exactly what you want out of intercourse.
3. Not being selfish enough in bed
When making love, many people tend to try very hard to please their partner, while completely neglecting their own needs and desires, which can result in a very boring experience. If both partners are 'selfishly connected' to one another, instead of just focused on giving or receiving, then your intimate experiences are bound to be a lot more fruitful and satisfying.
4. It feels like too much work
Certain people try way too hard to be great lovers. Excellent lovemaking generally has no goal in mind, so focusing too much on technique is bound to bring about diminishing returns. As long as it feels good and natural to both of you, don't try too hard to turn into something you're not comfortable with just because you read about it in a magazine. Just enjoy yourselves in a way that makes you both happy!
5. Reserving intimacy for the bedroom
Many couples only get aroused together when they’re about to have intercourse, as if arousal is a troubling state of mind that they’d rather keep hidden. However, some of the happiest couples enjoy small moments of intimacy even when lovemaking isn’t on the menu. This is something known as simmering, which can work wonders for your relationship in the long run.
6. Thinking that it's all about the climax
A great climax is like a sweet dessert at the end of a satisfying meal. It can be very memorable, but it's not really the reason you went out to dinner, now is it? If you shift the focus from orgasms to turn-ons, you might be pleasantly surprised at how much better everything gets!
7. Being too critical of yourself
Everybody has their own limitations in the bedroom. It's important to accept them, and to not be too hard on yourself, since it's practically impossible to make sweet love while feeling bad about your technique or body. The best way to handle negative thoughts in the bedroom is to not take them too seriously. As the Buddhist proverb goes, "let your thoughts come into your home, but don't serve them tea."
8. Believing you can program desire
Over the course of a long-term relationship, desire often comes and goes. At times when you don't really feel much desire for your partner, it's crucial to remember not to panic or jump to any irrational conclusions. You can’t control passion any more than you can control an unruly child. The secret to wonderful lovemaking in a long-term relationship is to sanctify any erotic moment by paying attention to it in all its variety, without being judgmental. Desire will sometimes be no more than a faint whisper, but it's up to you both to nurture it until it becomes a healthy shout.
