Every mother and father knows that stress is part of what comes with modern parenting, and some of us even accept it as an inevitable routine that involves, among other things, struggles over bedtime or trying to deal with children who are picky eaters. The frustrations that we experience and bring into the home can also be due to external factors such as money and work, and they may be the result of an attempt to discipline our children without success. The end result is usually that a home that we dreamed would be peaceful, quiet and harmonious, becomes a house full of frustration and anger.
In order to achieve a life without stress, different and effective ways can be adopted to help reduce it, as well as the harm caused to children and their development. Here are seven signs that your family is under too much stress, including advice from professionals to begin changing your current reality.
When stress levels rise, one of the first things that are affected is the quality of sleep, which is often followed by insomnia. The lack of sleep may cause you and your children to become even more nervous and anxious, causing a vicious cycle. "If you feel your kids are more aggressive than before, try putting them to bed a half hour earlier and see if it helps," said Dr. Tanya Altmann, a California pediatrician and spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics. Apply this tip to yourself as well to experience a real change in your home’s atmosphere.
If you’re not sure of the impact stress has on your family, just use your ears. The more stressful we or our children feel, the more we tend to raise our voices and create unnecessary arguments. If your children are yelling at you, make every effort to answer them in a calm, confident voice in order to convey the type of dialogue you expect to have with them. If you still find yourself yelling with your kids, its best that you give each other a time out from the fight, according to Dr. Altmann. You can tell your kids: “we both need a break, so we’re going to sit here now, hug tightly and breathe deeply until we calm down” – it’s as needed for you as it is for them
When you and your spouse are stressed and nervous, your older children will prefer to avoid family meals to avoid talking to you, says Dr. Mary Elford, a psychologist, and coordinator of the American Psychological Association. In order to bring back family meals, Dr. Elford suggests writing notes with positive things about your family members and placing it in a bowl on the dining room table.
During the meal, take out a random compliment from the basket and read it aloud. "It can make children expect a meal in a positive atmosphere rather than a negative one, and it's a great way to praise the family and strengthen the connection between its members." According to Dr. Elford, you can encourage each member of the household to do something similar and place a note with a compliment in the basket, thus adopting a new and positive family tradition.
When children experience a lot of stress, some of them close themselves up and stay away from others; older kids might lock themselves in their room, while younger children will ask you to stop taking them to play with other children. If this sounds familiar to you, Dr. Elford recommends talking to the kids and making sure they know that the communication between the two of you is open and that they can tell you anything.
"If you’re stressed out and your kids notice, tell them: ‘I’m going to take a bath to relax a little’ - It will really help you relax and show your children that you can manage and control the stress. In addition, if you are prone to emotional eating or over-sleeping person when you are stressed, you should try to adopt healthier habits such as meditation and ask a professional for help – after all, your children look to you as an example for how to deal with emotional stress.
Missed a deadline? Did you mess up a presentation? Stress can be the main cause, as it takes away from your ability to concentrate and stay organized, at times when you are supposed to be sharp and professional. Dr. Elford suggests identifying the source of your stress and brainstorm with your partner ways to ease it. "If getting you and your children ready in the morning makes you start your day stressed and angry, for example, try to wake up half an hour earlier or do as much prep as you can the night before."
Chronic stress affects the body at any age, and small children may start complaining of stomach aches or nightmares, while boys experience more headaches and older people suffer from neck, shoulder and back pain, and sometimes insomnia. Therefore, it’s no wonder that when a family is under great pressure everyone's immune system is weakened and the chances of getting sick rise.
Apart from increasing the number of hours you sleep, make sure to keep your hands clean and exercise both your and your children’s bodies. In order to treat the stressor itself, and not only prevent diseases that result from it, Dr. Elford recommends engaging in enjoyable family activities, such as a family game night or going out to the movies.
