“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.” ~Plutarch
What a beautiful quote by Plutarch, one, that couldn't ring more true for the times we live in today. We are constantly bombarded by information and entertainment, be it from the television or the internet. All of this affects us just enough to ensure that the subsequent thoughts we may have feel like we thought of them first.
On a daily basis, we are 'primed' to spend our time or money on something we may not actually need. Consequently, we are always looking forward to the next gadget to purchase, the next movie to watch, or the next television series to enjoy. To top it off, social media has become our new way of connecting with people, enabling us to share everything from pictures of our family to the latest meals we've prepared.
This constant outward search for approval is often the reason why we don't look for an internal source of approval. If on occasion we do look inward, we feel a sense of emptiness and fear. Not knowing what to do with it, we tend to fill the emptiness with an external source of gratification. But this emptiness is important, it tells us that we are disconnected from who we are. And very often, it is this disconnection that ends us up in painful life situations.
But, how can you tell that you have lost connection with yourself? A clear sign is that your true instincts feel like distractions, and distractions feel like your true instincts. When we are distracted, we feel bored, confused and unmotivated. We therefore end up choosing the easiest path from all those available. We become afraid of crying, of getting hurt, of looking at ourselves as we are.
So, is there a way to rediscover that connection with ourselves? Doing so is the only way to feel centered and confident about who we are, to understand our emotions, feelings, and desires clearly, and to know what our strengths are while accepting our limitations. Naturally, we may be wondering if it is possible for us to know ourselves from moment to moment with an actual perception of our inner selves being intact, self-sufficient and free from outside influence. This three-step process may be just what you need to reconnect with yourself:
1. See what you see
Stop for a moment and notice your surroundings. Do you have a phone or a computer around you? On some level, are you also receiving mental images? Most of the time we are unconsciously seeing things - things we have seen at work, or an image of something our friend sent to us, or even scenes from a favorite TV show. Sometimes, you may see things that you would like to happen, or things that you fear will happen. While the physical eye processes our reality, which is often mundane, the mind's eye shows us a reality which can be quite interesting.
Visualization can often be a double-edged sword. The key to visualization lies in the ability to visualize when we need to and not to when we don't. Otherwise our imagination becomes hyperactive, resulting in a constant stream of images in front of our eyes. It's almost as if we are dreaming, while awake. If we can stop our visualization at will, and only see what our physical eyes are showing us, the mind becomes simplified. It relaxes, drawing our attention inwards, to our bodies. So, our attention moves from things that exist in the mind, to the things which exist in the physical reality.
Try This: Look around the place you are currently sitting in. Notice all the things in your room, no matter how insignificant they may be. Look at every shape, color, and corner. Take your time to notice everything. Look down at your own hands, examining them closely. This will prep you for your next step:
2. Feel what you feel
If someone had to ask you to describe all the emotions you are feeling at this moment, it may be hard to find an answer. More often than not, we experience multiple emotions at the same time. Sometimes we are angry, but at the same time, we may also feel sad because of a life situation. You may also feel at peace, but have a longing for something better. Or you may be full of gratitude, yet not without a hint of pride.
Our body reacts according to our emotions through physical sensations. When our palms sweat, for instance, we know we are nervous. When our heart races, we interpret this as being afraid or excited. When we worry, our muscles become shallow and our muscles and nerves tense up. When we are happy, we breathe easy and our body relaxes.
Our mind, therefore, tells our body what to feel. But we have become used to not paying any attention to what the body is feeling, without this input from the mind. So out of habit, our body obeys our mind. Try this as an example: What are you feeling in the little toe of your left foot? Can you distinguish the sensation in each one of your toes? It's not that easy because our mind has never paid attention to it before.
Try This: Close your eyes and try to discern the shape of your hand, feeling the electrical impulses on the skin and the gentle blood flow in the veins. If you are able to, discern just the index finger or the thumb, try to become more sensitive to what you are feeling until you can feel your entire hand. Within two to five minutes, you will feel your heartbeat and its rhythm pulsating through your hands.
Repeat this exercise with your entire body, helping you develop a full body awareness - a very powerful way of connecting with yourself. Just be careful about negative self-talk if you come across a source of pain, in which you might tell yourself 'Here is that bothersome pain again. What do I do with it?' If you hear negative self-talk such as this, listen calmly. It will point to the next stage of connecting with ourselves.
3. Hear what you hear
It is a very normal and common behavior to talk to ourselves. This voice tells us what to do, and what to avoid. Even if we go on a solitary hike in the mountains, hoping to spend time with nature and switch off, we can still hear the 'I' talking. Below is an exercise you can try.
Try This: Close your eyes and pay close attention to whatever sounds there may be around you. Listen to every detail you can hear for thirty seconds, then open your eyes. While doing this exercise, notice, were you talking to yourself? Or did you only experience the act of listening? During this situation, there should be no division, just the pure state of listening, feeling or hearing. In moments where we are fully connected, we become whole. But, what happens when we find the connection? At this moment it is possible to know our pleasures, desires, fears, ambitions, and anxieties for what they actually are. We are able to perceive them with clarity and without any internal conflict.
For example, if fear arises, we may generally notice a couple of things about it. Perhaps you realize that there is nothing dangerous actually taking place, except in our minds. Maybe you notice that the heart rate changes and the muscles tense up as fearful thoughts arise. The voice inside your head may be telling you to be afraid, but in knowing these things we are already one step ahead of fear.
So, the next time it arises, we can predict the pattern, without worrying or over thinking. We will be able to solve the real problem at hand.
In feeling connected, our instincts become stronger. We are able to understand what is right and what is wrong for us. At this point, big decisions can be made easily, without having any regrets. Sometimes, building a strong connection within ourselves is all we need and in some cases, it is all that we have to keep us going.
