Everybody loves a great one-liner, and the next 15 are just about the most hysterically funny ones I've ever come across. Are you prepared for some side-splitting laughter? You might want to sit down (or hold on firmly to something) before you start reading these:
1. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, and he said he couldn't complain.
3. I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
4. People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian." Well, no-one's laughing now.
5. I saw a sign that said "watch for children," and I thought that it sounded like a fair trade.
6. My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met.
7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
8. I haven't slept for three days because that would be too long.
9. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself: "This changes everything".
10. Say what you want about deaf people...
11. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
12. I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no-one will do it.
13. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
14. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner - all it was doing was gathering dust.
15. People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people.
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