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Old Men, Gorillas and Everything - Great Jokes!


Grandma calls and announces that she will be coming by for a visit in about half an hour.
When she comes she is surprised to see her grandchild running to her as if possed and hugging her with all his tiny might.
"What is it, Eric??" She asks.
"Now that you're here, grandma, we have everything!"
"Whatever do you mean?" Inquired the surprised granny.
"When you called, mom said: 'That's all we need right now.'
So now that you're here, we have all we need!"
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested: "Now maybe pucker your lips and wiggle your bottom, see what that does." She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead
The husband then suggested she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. 
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
The husband smiled sweetly at his wife as he opened the cage door.
"Now Tell him you have a headache..."
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend. 
The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special.
The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back. "This one's $40,000." The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man said, "I'll take it!
The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds. I'll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon.
Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There's no money in that account!
The old man said, "I know I know, but let me tell you about the weekend I just had!

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net




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