husband and wife jokes Posts

Joke: The Wife, the Husband and the Genie

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

Joke: The Sad Husband and the Curious Wife

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything. Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window. "Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

Joke: The Husband, the Wife and the Threesome

There was a man who was very happily married, but, every birthday he would have the same fantasy request of his wife: He wanted a threesome, and every year the wife says no. This continues on for several years until finally, the wife has enough and agrees.

Joke: The Unsatisfied Wife and the Wafting Husband

A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The man has no issues but the woman can’t reach an orgasm, she tells her husband it is because she gets too warm.

Joke: This Wife Gives a Gift to Her Upset Husband

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling bad about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift.

This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Talking in Bed

Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterward. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times. Wife: I can't sleep without it.

Joke: The Lazy Husband and the Fed-Up Wife

After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, "Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?" "What do I look like, a plumber?" asks the husband, and goes to sleep.

This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Getting Stuck

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Going Fishing

Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting.

Joke: Wife Goes to the Cops to Report Her Missing Husband

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

Joke: A Bored Husband in Target

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Joke: The Maid and the Wife

An Austrian maid asks the wife who employs her for a pay raise. The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her about this raise. She asked, “Now Anna, why do you think you should get a pay increase?" "Well, madam, there are tree reasons why I should.

Joke: The Lazy Husband

Content Joke: Who Do I Look Like? joke One day a husband comes home from work. His wife greets him and says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom...

Joke: The Suspicious Wife

Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore.

Joke: The Husband's Secret Technique

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having. All these years? Well, they're gone!' 'No more headaches??' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

Joke: The Wife's Math

A woman comes home and finds a letter from her husband on the dinner table. She opens it and reads: "My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54-year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.

Joke: Trouble With the Wife

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Short Jokes: The Best of Disgruntled Husbands!

The guy says, "My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago, but unfortunately, she passed away." "Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that", says the fan, "But why didn't you just take a relative or a friend?"

This Joke Begins With a Seductive Wife...

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband: “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?” “No,” said her husband.

Joke: Mother vs. Wife

A few days later husband and wife were quarreling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: "now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?" The husband replied: "I don't have to get into the water, my mom knows to swim, she will save you."

Joke: The Buggy, The Wife and the Officer

I'll let my husband, Jacob know as soon as I get home," she replies. "That's fine," he continues. "Another thing, ma'am... I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that terrible cruelty to the animal.