Programming

The Programmer's Cycle
The Programmer's Cycle Software development cycle: 1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. 5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. 6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 7. Users find 137 new bugs. 8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. 10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. 13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
The Three Expensive Monkeys
The Three Expensive Monkeys A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of $5,000 and goes to the merchant to ask for details. "Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?" "Well, it knows Windows 7 and windows 10, and also knows Word, C++, .net, app programming, and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games." "Wow good monkey, it's worth the money." He goes and finds another monkey with a price of $10,000 and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Wow, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price $20,000. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "ITp be honest, I've never seen her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager."
Programming Holiness
Programming Holiness Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer. "I am!" Jesus shouted. "No, I am!" the devil countered. "I am!" "I am!" "Me!" "No, me!" "EEEEEEENOUGH!" God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness. When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front of them. God said "Now, whoever makes the best computer program in twenty minutes wins." Jesus and the devil both sat down, typing and clicking furiously. This went on for about 15 minutes, but then there was a power failure, and everything went dark. When everything came back up again, the computer screens were both blank. The devil tried in vain to get back everything he had lost. He came up empty-handed. Jesus pressed one key and it all came back. The devil looked at him in astonishment. "No way! How did you do that?!" Jesus turned to him and smiled, and said "Everybody knows Jesus saves."