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Listen Jokes

Music Pick Up Lines
I've got a Victrola in my bedroom. Want to listen to my Sinatra records together? We could slow dance
Elf Puns
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Corona Virus Jokes
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Literary Pick Up Lines
Are you an audiobook? Because I want to listen to you forever.
Orange Puns
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
Funny Animal Quotes
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
Funny Work Quotes
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
Spotify Pick Up Lines
Is Spotify down? Well the music in my house is now up. Wanna come by and listen to records?
Girl, are you my Spotify playlist? ‘Cuz I wanna listen to you all day long.
Are you Spotify? Cause I can listen to you all day.
Food Poems
You're old enough to know, my son,
It's really awfully rude
If someone speaks when both his cheeks
Are jammed and crammed with food.
Your mother asked you how you liked
the onions in the stew.
You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread
And mumbled, "Vewee goo."

Then when she asked you what you said,
You took a drink of milk,
And all that we could understand
Was, "Uggle gluggle skwilk."

And now you're asking me if you
Can have more lemon Jell-O.
Please listen carefully, "Yes, ifoo
Arstilla ungwy fello."

(Martin Gardner)
Peach Puns
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Pea Puns
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Onion Puns
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What Mother Superior Found
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white, except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.
Food Quotes
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
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