Cook

I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
The Big Bastard
The Big Bastard A priest goes on a fishing trip with a few others and some sailors to help them. A few hours in, he suddenly hooks a very big fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that Bastard!". "Hey, mind your language!" says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Bastard fish". Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. "Look at this huge Bastard!" says the priest, spotting the bishop. "Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop. "No, no that's what this fish is called," says the priest. "Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that bastard and we could have it for dinner." So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. "Could you cook this bastard for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked. "No, sister that's what the fish is called - a bastard", says the bishop. Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that bastard tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!" The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I caught the bastard!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the bastard!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the bastard!" says the mother superior. The Pope stares at them for a long moment with a steely gaze, leans back in his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:" You know what? You schmucks are alright."
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
The European Afterlife
The European Afterlife European Heaven is where: All the soldiers are British, All the wine is French, All the cars are German, All the lovers are Italian, The weather is Greek, And everything is organized by the Swiss. European Hell is where: All the soldiers are French, All the wine is German, All the cars are Greek, All the lovers are Swiss, The weather is British, And everything is organized by the Italians.
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen? Utinsel.
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Forgot His Prayers
Forgot His Prayers A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!” Her husband replied: “That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook!”
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook,
Fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?