Children Jokes

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

- Dorothy Parker.
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

- Reese Witherspoon.
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”

- Erma Bombeck.
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

- Ray Romano.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

- Nora Ephron.
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

- Erma Bombeck.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”

- William Galvin.
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”

- William Galvin.
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

- Phyllis Diller.
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”

- Erma Bombeck
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
Germany. They're kinder.
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