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Actually Jokes

Canadian Pick Up Lines
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
Funny Work Quotes
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Funny Aging Quotes
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
Monster Puns
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Cherry Puns
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Food Poems
Roses are red, I’m not wearing a suit,
Carrots are not vegetables, they are actually fruit.
Funny Health Quotes
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
Family Puns
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Frankenstein Puns
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer's day.
Did you ever notice that supermarket music is actually ideal for slow dancing with strangers?
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