Accountant

The Best Occupation to Operate On
The Best Occupation to Operate On Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
You Are What You Eat
You Are What You Eat One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat. After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!" The carnivore replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)." As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over. The carnivore called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news." He told the uninjured carnivore. "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Inheritance Confessions
Inheritance Confessions An arrogant, rich man passed away one day In his will, he entrusted $100,000 in cash to each of his closest advisers: his accountant, his doctor, and his lawyer. In his will, he instructed that each of them was to put all of the money into an envelope and place it into his coffin at his funeral, so he could have his money even after death. On the day of the funeral, each of his advisers came with a large envelope and each, in turn, placed it in the wealthy man's open casket. At the end of the funeral, when the man was buried, each of the advisers walked away from the cemetery together. The accountant said to the other two "I must confess, I didn't put all of the money in. I kept $20,000 for myself and only put in $80,000." The doctor responded "I should be honest too. I kept $30,000 for myself and only put in $70,000." The lawyer looked at the other two with disdain and said "I'm ashamed of both of you. Our client instructed us to put in $100,000 each into his casket, and I'll have you know I put in a check for the full amount!"
The Interview Question
The Interview Question A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks: "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies: "Four." The interviewer asks: "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says: "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question. "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant says: "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question. "What does two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, leans close to the interviewer and whispers: "What do you want it to equal?"
The Mobster and the Deaf Accountant
The Mobster and the Deaf Accountant After a thorough investigation, a rich gangster finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf and that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court. When the mobster goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the money?" The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the gangster: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'. The gangster pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!' The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him!' The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!' The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say?' 'He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.'