Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.