Welcome to hell, if hell had a really twisted sense of humor (which it probably does). These are terror, horror and just pretty f**cked up to be honest. You sure you want to continue? Alright, consider yourself warned, as we cross the gates into Dark Short Jokes...

I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
What did the man with no hands get for his christmas gift?
Gloves.

Just Joking. He still hasn't opened the gift.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:
I'm not letting you out.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My asshole neighbors had Waffles for breakfast.
Bastards. I LOVED that cat
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
I can't believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading.
The judge called it "organ harvesting", but that's just semantics.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket:
You can hide, but you can't run.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.