My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
"No body won the skeleton race."
"Some people have no guts."
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.