What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
You know what they say? Words.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.