Ready to laugh? Enjoy this witty and funny collection of short jokes and one liners that'll sure to make your day much funnier and MUCH better - because a day with a laugh is a day not wasted!
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Love thy neighbor all through the day... but first make sure her husband's away!
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. 'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Great. I'll get you some nails and wood."
While I was working as an assistant in a large corporation, my boss used to take half of the job applicants CVs and throw them in the garbage. When I asked him why he just said: "I don't want to work with unlucky people."
Customer: "Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
It is well known... Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all. A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...
HUSBAND: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
WIFE: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She replied, "No peer pressure."
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
"I'll miss you."
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is ANYTHING ok?" Husband: "There's something preying on my mind." Wife: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
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Scroll below for more funny jokes!
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When people passed by, they saw a very strange sight
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Hilarious: This Vet Clinic Has Painfully Funny Signs!
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Funny: These Kids' Christmas Letters Will Make You Chuckle!
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Read These Funny Night Quotes for Chuckles Before Bedtime
Read these funny night quotes for chuckles before bedtime.
Hilarious: These "translators" Should Quit Their Job...
This is hilarious!! See These Signs in ENGLISH!!
These Funny Signs Made Me Holler!
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These 'Genius' Repairs Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!
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These Libraries Will Surprise You With Their Creativity
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Funny: When 8 Priests Come Face-to-Face with Lingerie
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The Most Embarrassing Things to Happen on Camera...
A funny compilation of people who are having their day ruined by unexpected events.
Hilarious: When Timing and Comedy Team Up!
Comedy is all about timing and these photos are the perfect example for it!
When it Comes to Comedy, Twins Have an Unfair Advantage...
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These Punny Illustrations Will Give You a Good Chuckle
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25 Pictures that Prove Photographers are Crazy!
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These 18 Pictures Sum Up What It’s Like to Visit Canada
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Vandalism Is Not Okay. Unless It Makes You Laugh Out Loud
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14 One Liners That You Can Use to Amuse!
14 one liners that will make any party a lot of fun and get everyone laughing.
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These Witty Rejoinders Just Gave Me a Sardonic Smile
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Hilarious: Have You Seen The New Senior Bumper Stickers?
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17 Unexpected Objects With Friendly Faces!
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These Funny Photos Show Victorian Era in a Different Light!
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Hilarious: Why You DON'T Send a Man to the Grocery Store
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HILARIOUS: 14 Cat Comics That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud!
This hilarious cat comics, drawn by Scott Metzger, perfectly capture the nature of cats.
Here's Proof That Wrong Spacing Can Ruin Any Sign...
Sometimes, a tiny mistake like a space in the wrong place can make all the difference, turning an ordinary sign into the most hilarious one you've ever seen!