The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
Joke: A Thieving Old Lady Finds Herself Facing a Judge
An old lady finds herself in front of a judge after stealing a can of peaches. He immediately hands down a sentence for her wicked deed...
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
Joke: Wedding Decisions
A bride and a groom are with a pastor finalizing details for their wedding day. The pastor asks them whether they want a traditional or contemporary wedding...
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
When a doctor is tasked with fixing a rabbi's mangled manhood, he explains that there's a variation in price depending on the size...
Hilarious: What Would Our Pets Write In Their Diary?
We all know there are major differences between dogs and cats, but it was only after we found their secret diaries that we really understood how deep a difference it is...
Hilarious: 16 Absolutely Laugh-Worthy Construction Blunders
These construction fails will make you question everything.
This Gag Compilation is Literally Out of This World...
This video is so much fun, you're gonna have a blast!
How Did This Japanese Woman Teach Her Dog to Whisper?
You've probably heard dogs howl, bark, and growl, but have you ever seen a dog do this?
Newspaper Headlines Can Sometimes Be Ridiculously Funny
Sometimes newspaper headlines are just so bizarre that you are left scratching your head at what exactly happened.
Hilarious: Rowan Atkinson Welcomes You to Hell
Watch this hilarious British comedian's take on the devil introducing new sinners to hell.
14 Cat Fails That Definitely Won't Fail to Make You Laugh
If you're searching for pictures of cats who have immediately regretted their poor choices, you need look no further. Check out these hilarious cat fails.
As We Age, We Learn Some Hilarious Things...
The older you get, the more you realize what a funny thing life is.
Hilarious: Some Translations are Too Funny to Correct!
When you're running a business in some far-off land, there's no excuse for not using Google Translate to make a sign. These disastrous results are hilarious!
Here's One Prank That's a Woman's Worst Nightmare!
Watch in horror as the Just For Laughs team pretends to rip a woman's nail off during a fake manicure session!
South America is a One-of-a-Kind Place: 17 Hilarious Pics!
South America is a one-of-a-kind place!
Classic Comedy: About the Importance of Stuff
One of the funniest and smartest comedy routines in history!
Funny Photos: These Delivery Men Have an Odd Way of Working
We all enjoy getting a package in the mail, don't we? It's not always so straightforward though. These 20 delivery fails well have you laughing out loud.
Hilarious: What if Babies Could Express Their Thoughts?
This collection of the funniest photos of cute babies is here to make you laugh! See for yourself and if you find yourself smiling then share it with your friends.
Don't Forget Your Hands - Hilarious Gag
People always say not to trust psychics, but I'll bet none of them have ever imagined a situation like this one!
17 Unexpected Objects With Friendly Faces!
These smiling fungi and friendly dressers are here to lift your spirits!
Hilarious Language Humor: 18 Funny Translation Fails
These translation fails are just ridiculously funny.
Hilarious: These Funny Restaurant Signs Cracked People Up
Whenever people drove by these fast food joints, they were stopped in their tracks by their hilarious signs. Take a look.
These Witty Responses to Public Notices are Hilarious
Check out this collection of 15 petty notices along with their extremely hilarious responses!
Hilarious: If You Love English You'll Love These Puns!
We’ve collected 14 side-splitting jokes and puns that highlight common grammatical mistakes, contain clever twists on words, and more!
Classic Comedy: The Marx Brothers' Famous Mirror Scene
One of the most famous and adored comedy routines of all time performed by the talented Marx Brothers!
Hilarious: Quick, Mrs. Brown, Answer the Phone! (Rude)
Mrs Brown's boys sure didn't think she would enjoy her new smart phone this much!
This is Definitely the Funniest Song About Flight Discounts!
If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. So these ladies decided to write a hilarious song to warn us all!
Abbot and Costello Are At Their Finest in This Sketch!
This video is a great sketch by Abbot and Costello in which they fire witty line after witty line.
Classic Comedy: A Tennis Player's Breakfast
This sketch is all about how tennis players act on the court - and at breakfast!
These Hilarious Pictures Will Have You Laughing Out Loud
These photos will have you laughing out loud.
Hilarious: How Weirs is the English Language?
English is a really funny language, especially when considering how meanings can be changed when punctuation's omitted. Take a look at these 9 hysterical memes.
Why Men Should NOT Be Allowed in the Kitchen!
A perfect example of why some men are useless in the kitchen
Hilariously Adorable: Cutest Babies Fighting With Siblings
These baby fights will have you laughing and smiling.
20 Hilarious Comic Strips to Bring Joy to Your Day!
Ready to bring some positivity and sunshine to your day? These feel-good comics feature cute animals and puns are sure to make you smile!
The Wordplay in This Classic Comedy Sketch is Hilarious!
Nothing tickles me so much as wordplay. And this is my absolute favorite comedy classic sketch. See what happens when a customer asks for 'four candles.'
Hilarious: 16 Times People Didn't Pay Attention...
If you ever doubted the fact that knowing English is important, these hilarious mistakes made on public signs will definitely change your mind once and for all!
Hilarious: Cats are Some of the Funniest Creatures
Prepare for a foray into the delightful absurdity of living with cats.
Hilarious: Come On Ladies, Let's Poke Some Fun!
What is it with men? They seem to be from another planet sometimes. Well, instead of bemoaning our luck we can at least enjoy a good laugh at their expense!
These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
The iconic Tex-Mex restaurant, El Arroyo is back with some more hilariously clever signs.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean Takes the Train
Another great comedy jewel from Rowan Atkinson, this is uproariously funny scene.
Language Humor: 15 Hilariously Bad Translation Fails
Translation isn’t for everyone and these pictures show exactly why.
The Funny Realities of New Year's Resolutions
New Year’s Resolutions can be fun or annoying depending on the way you look at them. These funny comic strips take a dig at the tradition.