The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
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This Joke Starts With a Man Working Late
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Funny: It's Not My Fault That You Didn't Use Them, Pal
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Do You Remember This Classic Sketch? What a Riot!
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Who Said God Isn't Funny? These Church Signs are Hilarious!
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Hilarious: Some Guys REALLY Think Outside the Box...
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Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!
Hilarious: Why You DON'T Send a Man to the Grocery Store
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HILARIOUS: Are These People Fools or Geniuses?
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Classic Comedy: The Three Santas...
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Funny Time: Get Your Giggles Going and Laugh Out Loud
16 Pictures that will make you giggle and guffaw like a hyena!
Hilarious: Who Needs a Truck When You Can Have a Motorcycle
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I Swear Officer, I Was Framed!
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HILARIOUS: The Very Best of Classic Blonde Jokes!
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Dad Jokes: A Hilarious Collection of Terrible Crack-Ups
These terrible dad jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
In the Mood for a Good Laugh? Take a Look at These Photos
From a deer being interviewed to a waterproof laptop, this list has got it all!
When Cats Attack, Absolutely Nothing is Safe!
These Photos are filled with cats going into attack mode and assaulting everything from their devoted owners to innocent cardboard boxes, blankets, and shoes.
Only Mr. Bean Can Make a Picnic Hilarious
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Sea Lions Aren’t as Cute and Clumsy as They May Seem
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These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
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Hey Dogs, Are You Gonna Take That From a CAT?
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When Teaching First Aid, Try to Avoid Having Mr. Bean There
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20 Funny Quotes for All the Introverts Out There
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The Most Hilarious Way of Learning to Play an Instrument!
Part comedy, part musical lesson, you'll laugh yourself silly with this video.
HILARIOUS: 20 Signs That Are Too Funny to Pass By
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These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
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Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
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20 Of The Funniest Spelling Mistakes You've Ever Seen
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Parrots Are So Funny: A Hilarious Compilation!
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These Mistranslations are Too Funny Not to Share
Enjoy this hilarious collection of ridiculousy bad translation fails.
Librarians Really Do Have a Unique Sense of Humor!
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Adorable: Before and After Photos of Pets Getting a Bath!
Take a look at these lovely pets, then wake them wet with one click of a mouse. The look on their freshly washed faces is absolutely priceless.
Hilarious! Some Animals Cannot Pose Well in Photos
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When Christmas Decorations Failed Miserably - Funny Pics
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Classic Comedy: Getting Rid of Whom?? (Adult Humor)
I can't stop laughing at this hilarious scene...
Hilarious: These "translators" Should Quit Their Job...
This is hilarious!! See These Signs in ENGLISH!!
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
The Most Embarrassing Things to Happen on Camera...
A funny compilation of people who are having their day ruined by unexpected events.
This May Be the Funniest Message I've Ever Heard...
This has to be the funniest hotline message ever recorded.
Translations Gone Wrong – 15 Hilarious Examples
These funny signs are proof that bad translations can have hilarious results.
These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!
Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!