The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: A Thieving Old Lady Finds Herself Facing a Judge
An old lady finds herself in front of a judge after stealing a can of peaches. He immediately hands down a sentence for her wicked deed...
Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
When a doctor is tasked with fixing a rabbi's mangled manhood, he explains that there's a variation in price depending on the size...
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
Joke: Come On, Honey...
A newlywed steps out of the shower and is promptly asked to pose for a nude photo by her husband. She wants one of him in return...
Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
When a husband's young new bride and his ex-wife are planning to wear the same dress on their wedding day, you know it's a recipe for disaster...
HILARIOUS: The World’s Absolute Worst Bathroom Designs
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Collection: The Most Hilarious and Bizarre Signs
his wonderful collection will make you laugh out loud as we present you with some of the funniest signs you've ever seen!
These FUNNY Spring Jokes Will Blossom Your Mood!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of spring jokes and puns.
These Libraries Will Surprise You With Their Creativity
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The Funny Difference Between Male & Female Brains
If you're a man, or if you're a woman, you will probably find this video compilation utterly hilarious.
Hilarious Improv: Dear Wife, I'm Writing You This Letter...
These two improv performers are only allowed to say one word at a time. Following a suggestion from the audience.
Have You Heard Disco, the Chattiest Little Parakeet?
Disco is never short of words to say, in fact, he never stops rabbiting away, coming out with all manner of curious and hilarious phrases.
When Birds Misbehave, the Results Are Utterly Hilarious!
If you think that only dogs and cats are capable of being total jerks, then you ain't seen nothing yet!
Classic Comedy: Mr Bean Is the Ultimate Hopeless Romantic
I always considered myself a hopeless romantic, that is until I saw how Mr. Bean's big date went.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Funny Husbands
Check out these 12 examples of husbands and boyfriends being absolutely hilarious.
Here Are Some Funny New Year's Quotes to Make You Laugh
We want you to welcome 2023 with laughter. So, here are some hilarious News Year quotes for you.
Well, You Can't Say These People Aren't Creative...
These 17 examples of nonstandard thinking intrigued us and made us laugh.
We All Make These Mistakes as Parents... Hilarious!
When situations like this happen, we cannot help but giggle. Take a look at these hilarious parenting fails.
14 Crazy Things That Could Only Happen in One Country...
14 photos of things that you could only find in Russia. These will bring a smile to your face.
Indecent Behavior: That's Not the Way to Conduct Yourself!
Waitresses see some shocking behavior from courting couples, but tonight's spectacle was extraordinarily indecent...
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
As We Age, We Learn Some Hilarious Things...
The older you get, the more you realize what a funny thing life is.
19 Classical Art Memes Guaranteed to Leave You in Splits
People are turning classical art into hilarious memes, and we can’t stop laughing!
16 Hilariously Terrible Maps That Will Make You Laugh
We’ve shown you plenty of interesting maps in the past. Today, let’s explore some of the most ridiculously useless maps of the world!
Laugh out Loud at These Alternative Animal "Facts"
So-called animal experts have no idea about these facts. They're about to be revealed for the very first time, and rest assured that laughter will ensue!
This Simon's Cat Collection is All You Need for Smile Today!
Created by Simon Tofield in 2008, Simon's Cat is on a constant mission to get fed. Enjoy this hilarious collection of 16 of his most famous escapades.
Laugh Out Loud with Rob Spence's Crazy Balloon Act
Watch in awe as Rob Spence's balloon mime act takes center stage, bringing non-stop laughter.
Hilarious: You'll Only See THIS in Scotland!
Every country has its own quirks and oddities, Scotland may be one of the weirdest countries in Europe, and we have photographic proof!
20 Hilarious Supermarket Mistakes You've Got to See!
I used to think shopping was boring, until I started noticing these hilarious mistakes all over the place. Here are 20 of the funniest fails I've seen.
Funny Time: Get Your Giggles Going and Laugh Out Loud
16 Pictures that will make you giggle and guffaw like a hyena!
Hilarious: These Dogs Never Saw it Coming...
When these dogs get pranked, they can't believe it!
Adorable: Before and After Photos of Pets Getting a Bath!
Take a look at these lovely pets, then wake them wet with one click of a mouse. The look on their freshly washed faces is absolutely priceless.
Why Men Should NOT Be Allowed in the Kitchen!
A perfect example of why some men are useless in the kitchen
Hilarious: Old Ladies Know How to Ask the Best Questions...
Old ladies have some of the most poignant and relevant questions to ask of any of us. Here are a few of them!
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
Stand-up Comedy: What Men Really Think of Their Marriage
Marriage is certainly a blessing we all appreciate. But that doesn't mean we can't have a good laugh about it! This portrayal is cynical, but deadly funny!
Hilarious: These "translators" Should Quit Their Job...
This is hilarious!! See These Signs in ENGLISH!!
Classic Comedy: It's Not Easy Being a Conductor!
This hilarious and musical comedy sketch will leave you both delighted and laughing!
South America is a One-of-a-Kind Place: 17 Hilarious Pics!
South America is a one-of-a-kind place!
Furry Scary: When Pets Left Their Owners Spooked!
Pets are adorable and make our lives better. Sometimes, though, they scare the living daylights out of us.
13 Funny Palindromes That Will Make You Giggle
People have been enjoying palindromes for centuries - here are 13 funny examples that are sure to make crack you up.
Simon's Cat Presents: A Day in the Life of a Cat!
This colored episode brings us a day in the life of Simon's Cat. Let's see what that looks like...
"Engrish" Can be a Confusing Language...
This series of English signs from around the world will make you laugh and wonder all at the same time.
Funny Jokes: And then the Fight Started...
The jokes in this collection all have a common theme - how to start a fight with your spouse!
Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
This western is so funny and breaks all conventions. Only watch if you don't mind foul language!
These Wedding Day Pranks Will Leave You Gasping For Air
Hilarious wedding pranks that are guaranteed to make you laugh.