The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
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Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
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Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
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Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
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How Did This Japanese Woman Teach Her Dog to Whisper?
You've probably heard dogs howl, bark, and growl, but have you ever seen a dog do this?
Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
This western is so funny and breaks all conventions. Only watch if you don't mind foul language!
Hilarious! Mr Bean Wreaks Havoc at the School Open Day
Whether he's in the art gallery, at a calligraphy demonstration, or even in the science lab, nobody is safe when Mr. Bean is around!
You Won't Believe What This Little Old Lady Gets Up To...
This hilarious prank involves a sweet old lady pretending to deal drugs in large quantities in a public park...
These Funny Shop Signs Are Absolutely Outrageous!
These shop signs prove that many shopkeepers still have a healthy sense of humor!
15 Witty and Funny Marathon Signs That Made Us Chuckle
These absolutely wacky, witty, and hilarious signs were spotted at the NYC Marathon.
If You've Got a Sense of Humor, You'll Love These Liners!
Which of these short jokes will crack you up?
Ready For Fun? Time for a Gag-Fest!
This gag collection is sure to put a smile on your face today. What's life without a bit of laughter?
It’s Impossible NOT to Laugh at These 15 Hilarious Signs
It’s impossible NOT to laugh at these sidesplitting signs!
20 Of The Funniest Spelling Mistakes You've Ever Seen
A compilation of the funniest and weirdest spelling errors and grammar mistakes you will come across.
These Signs Are Way Too Funny!
You know what time it is? It’s time for some hilariously funny sign!
Funny Today: Caught in the Hood!
This cop pulls people over and asks them to lift their hood. When he slams it shut, he screams because little Johnson got caught under the hood and is stuck!
Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
Watch this video compilation of animals and pets getting into funny situations.
Hilarious: Mr. Bean and the Eating Competition
Mr. Bean's eating competition against a fellow guest is going swimmingly until he eats a batch of spoiled oysters...
Hilarious: How Weirs is the English Language?
English is a really funny language, especially when considering how meanings can be changed when punctuation's omitted. Take a look at these 9 hysterical memes.
You'd Think These Hilarious Signs Wouldn't Be Needed!
Whoever decided to put these hilarious signs up was clearly intent on having a laugh.
14 Hilarious Christmas Baby Photo Shoot Fails
While many of us think that it would be a great idea to have a photoshoot with our young children, unfortunately they never seem to go as planned...
Funny Gag: Meet the Strongest Girl in the World!
Time for another side-splitting gag from ‘Just For Laughs’.
These Funny Signs Excel At Stating the Obvious...
Some signs that you come across in life literally leave you scratching your head. Their messages are so obvious that they beggar belief. Take a look.
Hilarious: Some of the Funniest Shop Names I've Seen!
These restaurants are worth visiting just for their hilarious names!
You're Busted! Hilarious 'Crime' Gags
This compilation is so funny it should be illegal! ).
These Hilarious Cartoons are All About Senior Life
A huge collection of funny senior cartoons that reveal all about how life changes us as we grow older. Get ready to laugh your heart out!
These Photos Show That We Live in a Cat's World...
Cats bring us much joy, but they can also be extremely naughty and just spend most of their time doing whatever they like. Here are 15 hilarious photos.
The Signs at This Gas Station Made the Entire World Laugh!
Surely enough, these hilarious signs will have you laughing for hours!
If You Want the Truth, Read This Hilarious Dictionary
If you think dictionaries were dry and pedantic, you'd be right. That is, they were, until these cheeky definitions came along.
Funnies: The Differences Between Men and Women
These images will show you clearly why they say that women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Take a look at these amusing images for a good laugh.
Classic Comedy: What if Mr. Bean Was a Pianist?
A classic comedy sketch by Rowan Atkinson (AKA Mr. Bean) from 1979
These Signboards Have the Worst Spelling Mistakes
These have to be some of the most unfortunate typos ever.
And the Award for the WEIRDEST Subway Passenger Goes To...
Riding the subway is worth it just to encounter these passengers.
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
Cats Vs Dogs: Who's in Charge? Adorable and Hilarious!
When it comes to cats vs dogs, who's the boss? Hilarious!
Seniors Win: Teaching Some Drivers a Valuable Lesson!
You better learn some patience with dealing with these elders!
These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!
Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!
You'll Never Guess How THIS Video Ends...
This hilarious short film won countless awards and endless praise.
Cats Aren't Always Photogenic You Know...
These cats pull some priceless funny faces - you won't be able to contain your laughter!
Hilarious: The Funniest Restaurant Names!
These restaurants will grab you attention for all the wrong reasons! We can't stop laughing!
Kidding in the Rain: A Collection of Rainy-Day Pranks!
A hilarious collection of pranks by just for laughs focusing on rainy days.
Well, You Won't See THESE Every Day!
In this captivating collection of images, we delve into the extraordinary and the amusing.
HILARIOUS! The Heart versus the Brain, Who Beats Whom?
These comics put a cheerful twist on chores, work and responsibilities. You'll recognize yourself in these funny stories about the Heart & the Brain.
Translations Gone Wrong – 15 Hilarious Examples
These funny signs are proof that bad translations can have hilarious results.
These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
The iconic Tex-Mex restaurant, El Arroyo is back with some more hilariously clever signs.