The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
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Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
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Joke: Wedding Decisions
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This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
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This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
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Joke: Come On, Honey...
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Funny: Is This Mother Selling Her Baby On the Street??
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This Magician Pulls Off the Most Insane Tricks
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22 Hilarious Observations Made in Different Countries
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These Wine Jokes Are All in Good Taste...
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Hilarious: Then DIY Goes Ridiculously Wrong...
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These Funny Hospital Photos Are Bound to Crack You Up
These hospital photos are bound to make you scream with laughter!
Wives of Rival Politicians Fight on the Carol Burnett Show
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Hilarious: Don't Mess With This Little Girl!
When people passed by, they saw a very strange sight
Keep Your Lips and Hugs to Yourself Human! Hilarious
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Funny Stand Up: Can't Argue With Wife Post Surgery!
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These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
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Hilarious: These Dogs Never Saw it Coming...
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12 Hilarious Photos of Dogs Letting Cats Boss Them Around
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Funny Photos: These Delivery Men Have an Odd Way of Working
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Hilarious: 19 Times the Universe Decided to Be Ironic...
These photos capture the most brilliant comedic irony caught on camera!
10 Jokes That Are So Bad, They're Actually Funny!
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These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
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Hilarious: 15 Witty Bar and Restaurant Signs
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Hilarious: 15 Misspelled Signs That'll Make You Laugh!
We collected 15 hysterical signs with spelling mistakes here, so brace yourselves - because it’s about to get funny!
HIALRIOUS: But Why????
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These Are the Most Absurd DIY Projects We’ve Come Across
It’s nice to do DIY projects, but this is just ridiculous.
Hilarious: I Swear This Box Just Grew On Its Own!
These people are either failing their vision or their sanity!
These Funny ‘Science Facts’ Will Leave You Confused
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Only in Canada: 18 Pics That Perfectly Describe the Place!
There really is no other place like Canada, and these pictures prove it.
These Adorable Yet Funny Snapchats of Dogs Are a Must-See!
These snapchats of dogs are both funny and cute.
These Inventors Thought Outside the Box! Hilarious
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These Rude 'Chinese' Proverbs Got Me Laughing
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Hilarious: The Funniest Memes This Christmas!
These hilarious Christmas memes will make your holiday season that much better.
These People Practice Professional Insanity. Hilarious.
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