The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
When a husband's young new bride and his ex-wife are planning to wear the same dress on their wedding day, you know it's a recipe for disaster...
Only in Canada: 18 Pics That Perfectly Describe the Place!
There really is no other place like Canada, and these pictures prove it.
These House Design Decisions Are Criminally Bad!
It’s hard to believe these weird houses actually exist!
75 Hilarious Family Jokes Perfect For Kids & Adults!
While some of us might enjoy humor that's a little dark or dirty, these children's jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike!
Funnies: The Differences Between Men and Women
These images will show you clearly why they say that women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Take a look at these amusing images for a good laugh.
Hilarious! What It Truly Means to Be a Grandparent
These Hilarious quotes by Gene Perret perfectly sum up life as a grandparent.
22 Hilarious Observations Made in Different Countries
22 hilarious photos that show that some stereotypes about certain places do have a little bit of truth to them. Rude to some, amusing to others, we present to you our selection of best “Meanwhile, in…” photos.
Comedy Gold: Enjoy This Rib-Tickling Laurel & Hardy Clip
Enjoy this hilarious clip from a Laurel and Hardy short titled ‘The Snow Hawk’.
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
If you're over the age of 60, you'll definitely be able to relate to these light-hearted statements.
These Funny Illustrations Show What Life Is Like With Kids!
Jim Benton is a cartoonist and illustrator who has managed to capture life with young kids perfectly. Take a look at his hilarious drawings.
Hilarious: The Evil Grocery Store!
This is just the kind of pranks I like, and a very creative use of a grocery store!
When Funny Signs Meet Epic Fails, Hilarity Ensues...
These funny signs, tags, and maps show just how much the people responsible for creating them had failed, and it's absolutely hilarious!
The Silliest Construction Mistakes That'll Make You Laugh!
There was very little thought process behind these mistakes...
Funny: These Kids' Christmas Letters Will Make You Chuckle!
Kids are known for speaking their mind, and are extremely forthright when it comes to making requests. Here are some funny and cute Santa letters from kids.
Excuse Me, Interior Designers? May I Ask... WHY?!?
These terrible interior design mistakes are so bad they're actually hilarious.
Only Mr. Bean Can Make a Picnic Hilarious
Mr. Bean decides to have a picnic. However, he soon realizes that there are some insects who will do their utmost to prevent him from enjoying himself...
Hilarious: 16 Sarcastic Daily Affirmations!
Sometimes, being overly positive doesn’t help. But a little bit of humor does.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
Mrs. Brown will give you a big grin with another hilarious scene.
Hilarious: Best of Terrible Strangers Pranks!
This prank compilation focuses on 'terrible people' and the weird things they do before you discover it's a prank!
My All-Time Favorite Broken-English Signs
English may be well-known but it's not always well-written. Here are some hilarious signs
Want a Laugh? Try These Funny Comics & Cartoons!
You're never too old for funny cartoons! So take a minute to put everything aside and enjoy a few silly moments Baba-Mail is happy to share with you.
Hilarious Animal Encounters During Flights - 14 Pics
The funniest animal encounters on a plane.
These Hilarious Cartoons are All About Senior Life
A huge collection of funny senior cartoons that reveal all about how life changes us as we grow older. Get ready to laugh your heart out!
Funny Photos: You Had One Job!
These ridiculously funny work fail pictures will have you laughing all day.
WATCH: This Rude Act Shows the French Will Cook Anything
The last thing you’d expect from a Burlesque act is two French men and a set of frying pans. This video is too hilarious not to watch.
Classic Comedy: How to Keep a Man Focused!
A hilarious skit showing the fastest way to re-capture a man's wandering attention...
When Two Old Ladies Sit Down and Make Us Laugh!
Hilarious and classic sketch from the Mrs. Brown classic show.
How a Golden Retriever Stole the Show & Won My Heart!
Watch how one golden retriever takes the Finnish obedience show without hesitation.
10 Minutes of the Funniest Food Pranks!
10 minutes of pure prank fun with food pranks by Just For Laughs.
These Child Letters to God are Both Touching and Hilarious
The letters these kids write are astounding.
These Weird Road Signs Will Make You Laugh!
These outrageously funny street signs are certainly worth slowing down for!
Are You Old? You'll Know It If...
There is some debate about when you can actually be considered old. Let's make it real simple. If you find these funny, you are probably old...
Nostalgic Comedy: Did Bert Forget Their Anniversary?
In this episode Molly thinks Bert forgot their anniversary.
Hilarious: These Funny Restaurant Signs Cracked People Up
Whenever people drove by these fast food joints, they were stopped in their tracks by their hilarious signs. Take a look.