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30 Funny but Rude 'Chinese' Proverbs

 These "Chinese" proverbs had me in stitches - they have many an interesting, funny (and occasionally rather rude) nugget of wisdom to share with the world. The key with these is that if you don't get them the first time, read them again - many are a play on words, which may not be instantly obvious. I hope you enjoy these hilarious proverbs as much as I did!
For this first section, say "A man who..." before reading each one: 
...runs in front of a car gets “tired”.
...runs behind a car gets “exhausted”.
...eats too many prunes gets a good run for his money, and will be on the lavatory for many moons.
...fights with his wife all day doesn’t get any piece at night.
...stands on a toilet is high on pot.
...streaks on his way to the office is unsuited for his job.
...has a hand in his pocket feels cocky all day.
...keeps his feet firmly grounded has trouble putting on his pants.
...sinks into a woman’s arms will soon find his arms in her sink.
...jumps off a cliff jumps to a conclusion.
...fishes in another man’s hole will often catch crabs.
...eats crackers in bed wakes up feeling crummy.
...flies his airplane upside down is bound to have a crack-up.
...gets hit by a car will get that run-down feeling.
...pushes a grand piano down a mine shift will get A-flat minor.
...pees on an electric fence will receive shocking news.
...puts his head on a railroad track will get a splitting headache.
...sleeps on a bed of nails is holy.
...sneezes without a hanky takes the matter into his own hands.
...makes a mistake on an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Now here are a few words of advice for women. Say "A woman who..." before reading out these:
...sits on a jockey’s lap gets a hot tip.
...sits on a judge’s lap gets an honorable discharge.
...goes camping must beware any evil intent.
...goes to a man’s apartment for a snack might get a tit bit. 
The "Chinese" have also given us valuable things to think about in daily life:
- It’s better to be p*ssed off than be p*ssed on.
- A boy who goes to sleep with a hard problem wakes up with the solution in hand.
- A passionate kiss, similarly to a spider’s web, leads to the undoing of the fly.
- The thing is though, virginity is like a bubble – just one prick and it’s all gone.
- In addition, while it takes many nails to build a crib, it takes just one screw to fill it.
However, if you're a man, probably the most important proverb to remember is this:

"A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano. 
A wise man gives his wife an upright organ."

Content Sources: 12, 3

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