The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls - old clients!"
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."
The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this aroused the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:
"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!" or
"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!" or
"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
Scroll below for more funny jokes!
Joke: Some People Are Just Never Happy in Life!
Sometimes in life, you just can't get it right in the eyes of people. That's why you really shouldn't try to please everyone...
Joke: Repaying Your Parent
A young lawyer is interviewing for a job as legal counsel to an investor. Immediately, he divulges that he paid back his father for his education in full...
Sometimes, a Prostitute Just Won't Do (Hilarious Joke)
Two old men decide to get some action by visiting a cat-house, but the madam soon determines that her girls will be wasting their time on them...
A Generous Lawyer Invites a Family Over For Dinner (Joke)
When a lawyer is going about town in his limo, he spots two men eating grass at the side of the road. He immediately stops to see what on earth is going on...
Funny: I'm Gonna Ask This Hooker How Many Knots I'm Doing
A retired sailor picks up a prostitute at the docks. They take off to do their business. He asks her how he's doing...
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
How the Heck Did They End Up Writing THAT?
Here's a fresh dose of hilarious translation fails from different countries and languages!
Should We Really “Beware” These Cute Doggies?
These signs ask us to “beware” of these dogs. But we think you will end up laughing at them.
Dogs vs. Their Greatest Enemy: The Bath...
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
16 Parenthood Comics That’ll Make You Roll In the Aisles
These witty comics show the funny side of having a family and parenting
16 Hilariously Terrible Maps That Will Make You Laugh
We’ve shown you plenty of interesting maps in the past. Today, let’s explore some of the most ridiculously useless maps of the world!
Some Things Could Only Have Been Invented in Japan
You can always rely on the Japanese to come up with some quirky inventions...
HIALRIOUS: But Why????
Discover a collection of 35 different 'Why' jokes that are bound to make people of all ages giggle.
Hilarious: These Funny Restaurant Signs Cracked People Up
Whenever people drove by these fast food joints, they were stopped in their tracks by their hilarious signs. Take a look.
Classic Comedy: Lucy Goes to Work at a Chocolate Factory
What happens when Lucy and Ethel go to work at a factory?
Hilarious: The Silliest Things in Life are FINALLY Explained
I have never seen more accurate and hilarious assessments of our daily lives, then these simple graphs.
These Silly Photos Remind Us of the Funny Side of Christmas!
Christmas is always full of good cheer, but it can also be downright hilarious as well. Here are 20 memes to remind you how hilarious Christmas Can Be.
HILARIOUS: 15 Dogs that are Having a Really Funny Day
New dog toys are hilariously giving dogs a shiny new smile that will crack you up.
These Seniors Live Life According to Their Own Rules...
These funny photos prove that as you get older, you stop caring about what other people think of you.
When Birds Misbehave, the Results Are Utterly Hilarious!
If you think that only dogs and cats are capable of being total jerks, then you ain't seen nothing yet!
Hilarious: 15 Misspelled Signs That'll Make You Laugh!
We collected 15 hysterical signs with spelling mistakes here, so brace yourselves - because it’s about to get funny!
These Child Letters to God are Both Touching and Hilarious
The letters these kids write are astounding.
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
These Illustrated Pet Confessions Just Got Me Laughing
These pet confessions show what your pets are really thinking about, with a great dose of humor!
Winter Can Be CRAZY Sometimes - 16 Bizarre Pics
These chilly pictures show just how crazy and harsh winter can be.
Hilarious: What Is the TRUE Meaning of Marriage?
This is why all young lovers look forward to marriage....
Hilarious: You'll Only See THIS in Scotland!
Every country has its own quirks and oddities, Scotland may be one of the weirdest countries in Europe, and we have photographic proof!
Hilarious: 15 Embarrassingly Funny Autocorrect Disasters
Autocorrect fails can be ridiculously funny sometimes.
Sea Lions Aren’t as Cute and Clumsy as They May Seem
The incredible hunting skills and abilities of the sea lion
This Man Pushed a Button. He Had No Idea What It Will Do...
This man saw a button at the town square, he didn't realize what would happen when he pushed it.
Laughter Guaranteed: 15 Uproarious Classical Art Memes
Who would have thought that classical art pieces can make you cackle with laughter?
Hilarious: Mr. Bean and the Eating Competition
Mr. Bean's eating competition against a fellow guest is going swimmingly until he eats a batch of spoiled oysters...
When Cats Attack, Absolutely Nothing is Safe!
These Photos are filled with cats going into attack mode and assaulting everything from their devoted owners to innocent cardboard boxes, blankets, and shoes.
HILARIOUS - 15 Witty Comics About Everyday Objects
Time for another hilarious collection of single-panel comics.
Excuse Me, But Are These Signs for REAL?!?
Who comes up with these hilarious ideas and useless ideas for signs?
Only in Canada: 18 Pics That Perfectly Describe the Place!
There really is no other place like Canada, and these pictures prove it.
Hilarious: You Can Only See Scenes Like This In AUSTRALIA!
Australia is pretty unique, so good luck finding photos like these anywhere else...
These Comics Prove a Single Panel Can Deliver Big Laughs
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-panel comics by Adam Douglas Thompson.
Simon's Cat: A Day in the Life of a Cat Owner
Being a cat owner really changes you as a person, only cat people understand this. But everyone will get the humor in this new extended Simon's Cat episode!
Newspaper Headlines Can Sometimes Be Ridiculously Funny
Sometimes newspaper headlines are just so bizarre that you are left scratching your head at what exactly happened.
These One Frame Comics Are Guaranteed To Brighten Your Day
Sometimes, a single panel of a comic strip can contain so much wit and humor, and these one frame cartoons certainly prove it!
In Pictures: Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2023!
Enjoy the hilarious winners of the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023!
Hilarious: I Swear This Box Just Grew On Its Own!
These people are either failing their vision or their sanity!
These Funny Cartoons Are Guaranteed to Make You Smile
Enjoy this humorous collection of single-panel comics by Harry Bliss.
Hilarious! These Overly Dramatic Cats Deserve an Oscar...
Which of these hilarious cat expressions made you laugh most?
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
If you're over the age of 60, you'll definitely be able to relate to these light-hearted statements.