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There are a many reasons why we love kids! It isn't just because they're adorable, laugh out loud a lot or look great in photos. It's also about how much they make us laugh, forget whatever worries we have, and give in to the charm of their innocence (then we laugh some more...). |
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NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! Reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat: "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
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OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents..."
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KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get ketchup out of a jar. During her struggle, the phone rang, so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone: "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now - she's hitting the bottle."
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MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked: "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'"
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POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl aged about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked: "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help, I should ask the police. Is that right?"
'Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me. "Would you please tie my shoe?'"
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POLICE #2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said: "What did he do?'"
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ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was completely intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered: "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
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DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning!"
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DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for laying the deceased robin to rest.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers, and with sonorous dignity, intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes."
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SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
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BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of it.
He picked up the object and looked at it. It was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
In an astonished voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
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BONUS VIDEO: The Funny Things Kids Say |
