The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Man Working Late
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Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
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Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
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Joke: It's Difficult to Fulfill a Dying Wish Sometimes
When a window visits an undertaker to see how preparations of her dead husband's body are going, she isn't happy with what she sees. A solution is proposed...
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
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Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
Classic Comedy: The Marx Brothers' Famous Mirror Scene
One of the most famous and adored comedy routines of all time performed by the talented Marx Brothers!
Sometimes All You Need is One Line to Make You Laugh...
28 hilarious and short jokes! Read them all at once or come back and read one every day, no funny business
These Geriatric Cartoons Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
These just made me laugh myself silly, but I must admit, they're quite true!
Classic Comedy: Why Michelangelo Didn't Do the Last Supper
One of the lesser known sketches of the famous Monty Python is a hoot and a half - explaining why Michelangelo didn't paint the last supper.
Hilarious: You'll Only See THIS in Scotland!
Every country has its own quirks and oddities, Scotland may be one of the weirdest countries in Europe, and we have photographic proof!
15 Witty and Funny Marathon Signs That Made Us Chuckle
These absolutely wacky, witty, and hilarious signs were spotted at the NYC Marathon.
Funny Stand Up: Can't Argue With Wife Post Surgery!
Jim Gaffigan in a funny stand up video about arguing with his wife after her brain surgery.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean Takes the Train
Another great comedy jewel from Rowan Atkinson, this is uproariously funny scene.
20 One-Frame Funnies That Will Make You Laugh
This New Yorker cartoonist's works are full of wit and humor.
Whoever Created These Funny Signs Deserves a Pay Raise!
These hilarious business signs will definitely tickle your funny bone.
The People Behind These Funny Fails Are Beyond Reproach!
Some people simply should not be entrusted with construction or any kind of DIY work. The 15 photos you're about to see will show you exactly why!
These 24 Funny Wild Animals Know When to Say Cheese!
Wild animals are magnificent, sure. But they are also breathing souls with a real thirst for fun, play and humor. This ace contest celebrates their funny side.
These Hilarious Signs Were Totally Unnecessary
Here are 12 photos that really capture the silly side of humanity!
Hilarious: When Cakes Go Wrong!
These 20 hilarious cakes are just not what the customers were asking for!
14 Grocery Store Signs to Make Your Shopping Funnier!
Chuckle with this super collection of some of the wittiest and funniest signs found inside supermarkets.
Food and Humor Collide in These Cheeky Restaurants
These restaurants have a cheeky sense of humor!
This Gag Compilation is Literally Out of This World...
This video is so much fun, you're gonna have a blast!
Indecent Behavior: That's Not the Way to Conduct Yourself!
Waitresses see some shocking behavior from courting couples, but tonight's spectacle was extraordinarily indecent...
These Hilarious Cartoons Get What Living with Dogs is Like!
The way we are with dogs and the way dogs are with us, is something only dog owners really get. If you're a dog owner these comics will make you laugh a lot!
These Pics Were Taken Just One Second Before "Disaster"
These hilarious photos were taken a split second before “disaster” struck.
Hilarious: The Truth About Vincent Van Gogh's Family...
Like most people, I'm very familiar with Vincent van Gogh's incredibly artistry, but I never realized how large his extended family was until I saw this post.
Can You Watch This Entire Video Without Laughing?
From guilty dogs, to funny cat fails, monkeys, funny squirrels, horses and so on. Take a look at this hilarious compilation:
WATCH: 10 Funny Xmas Editions of 'Simon's Cat' All in One!
These hilarious cartoons from Simon's cat serve to remind us not to forget something really important: It's Christmas for our cats too!
These Funny Signs May Leave Your Sides Hurting
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To Date this Hilarious Father's Daughter, Here are the Rules
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These 18 Pictures Sum Up What It’s Like to Visit Canada
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The Funniest Videos are Shot Right at Home!
These hilarious videos are all winners of the Funniest Home Videos Awards!
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
When Two Old Ladies Sit Down and Make Us Laugh!
Hilarious and classic sketch from the Mrs. Brown classic show.
When Parking Signs Get a Sense of Humor! (15 Pics)
Who knew no parking signs could make us laugh too?
Hilarious: 15 Witty Bar and Restaurant Signs
These bars and restaurants deserve a visit just for their funny signs.
When This Young Comedian Steps on Stage, No One is Safe!
Ned Woodman, a 9-year-old comedian, may look cute, but when he steps on to the stage, all this changes. Check him out here!
HILARIOUS: The Very Best of Classic Blonde Jokes!
Blondes aren't stupid, but these classic blonde jokes are still really funny.
Mark Twain Had a Lot to Say About Almost Everything
Mark Twain is one of the most famous writers in American history. He was known for his dark wit and humor, and his quotes still inspire people today.
Well, You Won't See THESE Every Day!
In this captivating collection of images, we delve into the extraordinary and the amusing.
Hilarious! Mr. Bean Didn't Expect This at Art Class!
Mr. Bean takes an art class but never did he expect that he'd have to be drawing a naked woman...
These 15 Hilariously Naughty Pets Were Caught in the Act
These 15 hilarious pets were caught red-pawed and made to pay for their “crimes” by wearing signs of their wrongdoings.