The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
Who Knew That Coffee Could Cause Arguments? (Funny Joke)
A husband and wife are having an argument over who should brew the coffee. Little does the husband know that his wife already has the argument won...
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
When a doctor is tasked with fixing a rabbi's mangled manhood, he explains that there's a variation in price depending on the size...
Hilarious: If You're Going to Insult, Do It With Style...
you did not want to get on Shakespeare's bad side, for you might get one of these...
This Unforgettable & Hilarious Performance is One-of-a-Kind!
You don't see such effortless grace in comedy as with these two love birds anymore.
If You Have a Well Aged Sense of Humor, You'll Love This!
We've collected for you a series of the most funny senior cartoon pictures. I'm still laughing at these 'well aged' cartoons!
These FUNNY Spring Jokes Will Blossom Your Mood!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of spring jokes and puns.
20 Terrible Translations That'll Make You Laugh!
Check out these 20 outrageously terrible translations that will make you laugh your head off!
HILARIOUS: These Pets are Real Drama Queens!
Just like humans, some pets throw tantrums when they want attention. Just look at these 12 hilarious four-legged drama queens.
Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
9 Mockumentaries That Had Us Rolling on the Floor
Explore the side-splitting world of mockumentaries.
17 Humorous Vintage Photos That Will Make You Laugh
Enjoy this collection of vintage street photos of France during the 1950s by René Maltête.
Hilarious Sketch: The Great Piano Concerto
This hilarious sketch by a classic comedy duo puts you in the middle of the worst execution of a concert imaginable.
WATCH: This Rude Act Shows the French Will Cook Anything
The last thing you’d expect from a Burlesque act is two French men and a set of frying pans. This video is too hilarious not to watch.
Hilarious: Don't Mess With This Little Girl!
When people passed by, they saw a very strange sight
Couples Will Totally Relate to These Funny Cartoons!
Being coupled up can be a wonderful thing, but there's no denying that relationships have their ups and downs. Here are 12 funny cartoons about couples.
Hilarious: 16 Times People Didn't Pay Attention...
If you ever doubted the fact that knowing English is important, these hilarious mistakes made on public signs will definitely change your mind once and for all!
Laugh out Loud at These Alternative Animal "Facts"
So-called animal experts have no idea about these facts. They're about to be revealed for the very first time, and rest assured that laughter will ensue!
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
If you're over the age of 60, you'll definitely be able to relate to these light-hearted statements.
These Funny Restaurant Signs Just Made Me Laugh Out Loud
Enjoy this collection of hilarious restaurant signs.
15 Adorable Cats & Dogs Keeping Cool in the Heat
These adorable pets know how to stay cool when the weather gets warm.
Dogs vs. Their Greatest Enemy: The Bath...
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
Mrs. Brown will give you a big grin with another hilarious scene.
This May Be the Funniest Message I've Ever Heard...
This has to be the funniest hotline message ever recorded.
Hilarious: You've Got a Lot of Explaining to Do, Mister!
This may be the most brilliant, funniest prank I've ever seen.
Hilarious Comedy: Don't Invite Mr. Bean to a Wedding...
Why on Earth did anyone think to invite Mr. Bean to the wedding? Well, frankly, I'm glad they did.
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
Laugh Until You Howl: The WILDEST Animal Pranks
Have a roaring time with these howlarious wild animal pranks by Just for Laughs.
Dad Jokes: A Hilarious Collection of Terrible Crack-Ups
These terrible dad jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
You Will Crack Up Reading These One-Panel Cartoons!
Comic artist creates witty yet hilarious single-panel comics. Check out some of his best ones.
Hilarious: The Marriage Dictionary!
Have you been through the marriage dictionary yet? I think you'll find that the definitions it contains are much different to the ones in a regular dictionary.
Hilarious: English is a Seriously ODD Language...
If you thought English is a clear-cut and tidy language, you better read this.
Here Are 14 of the World's Funniest Bumper Stickers
14 funny and clever bumper stickers that will brighten up your day.
These Witty Signboards Will Make Certainly You Chuckle
Signboards that we see everyday are mostly forgettable. However, here is a collection of the wittiest signboards with some great messages.
Hilarious Signs: This Ice Cream Shop Cracked Me Up!
This collection of 12 hilarious signs will give you a taste of an excellent sense of humor!
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
All the Ladies Will Be Playing This Song Again & Again
This song celebrates the beauty and wisdom of older ladies in a hilarious way!
Hilarious: This Week's Funniest Cartoons!
Our selection for this week's hilarious comics, there's a lot to smile and giggle about on this page. So if you need a moment to smile, or indeed some solid minutes - we've got you covered.
Classic Comedy: The Most Hilarious Breakfast Ever Made...
This is one of the funniest comedy sketches of all time, in my opinion. Because when it comes to breakfast, timing is everything.
When This Young Comedian Steps on Stage, No One is Safe!
Ned Woodman, a 9-year-old comedian, may look cute, but when he steps on to the stage, all this changes. Check him out here!
21 Single-Panel Comics That Deliver the Laughs
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-frame comics by Doug Hill.
Hilarious: Ready for Some Christmas Cartoons?
Here we've collected for you a series of funny Christmas cartoons for you to enjoy and to share with your family and friends!