The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
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Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
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Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
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Have You Ever Wondered What Animals Look Like Pregnant?
These animals really don't look too pleased with the current state that they're in! Here's what 22 animals look like just before they give birth.
Hilarious: 19 Times the Universe Decided to Be Ironic...
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HILARIOUS: 15 Dogs that are Having a Really Funny Day
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Hilarious: Cats are Some of the Funniest Creatures
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Tired of Inspiration Quotes? Try These Funny Posters
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Classic Comedy: Getting Rid of Whom?? (Adult Humor)
I can't stop laughing at this hilarious scene...
Hilarious: Ahhhm... That's NOT What I Ordered...
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16 Hilarious Panorama Fails That Are So Bad They're Good
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Classic Comedy: A Newly Graduated Dentist...
Laugh your socks off with this classic comedy sketch from the Carol Burnett Show. A hilarious scene from the dentist that will have you in stitches.
Cats Vs Dogs: Who's in Charge? Adorable and Hilarious!
When it comes to cats vs dogs, who's the boss? Hilarious!
Hand These Guys a Towel and Get Ready to Laugh!
This hilarious performance involves two young Frenchmen who have just a towel apiece to preserve their modesty. Watch this side-splitting performance.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean At the Restaurant
Watch and see what happens as Mr. Bean gets a taste of a raw Steak Tartare, and decides he doesn’t really like it…
These Silly Photos Remind Us of the Funny Side of Christmas!
Christmas is always full of good cheer, but it can also be downright hilarious as well. Here are 20 memes to remind you how hilarious Christmas Can Be.
Hilarious: Some of the Funniest Shop Names I've Seen!
These restaurants are worth visiting just for their hilarious names!
Do You Have the Same Problems With YOUR Kids?
Almost as soon as they learn how to speak, your kids learn to speak back. First it's "no", then it's "I don't wanna" and soon enough they're closing the door to their room and listening to their terrible music. Well, at least you can take comfort in
14 Grocery Store Signs to Make Your Shopping Funnier!
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Funny Today: Caught in the Hood!
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15 Adorable Cats & Dogs Keeping Cool in the Heat
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Hilarious: We Can All Identify With These Signs!
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When a Ridiculous Sign is Put Up, Hilarity Ensues!
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The Funniest Questions About Retirement are Finally Answered
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Hilarious: When Signs Think You're an Idiot
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These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
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How Did This Japanese Woman Teach Her Dog to Whisper?
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Hilarious: Grammar is a Funny Subject!
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I've Never Seen Translations Fail This Hard
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These 24 Funny Wild Animals Know When to Say Cheese!
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Hilarious: 15 Witty Bar and Restaurant Signs
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These Hotel Goofs Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
Hotels are usually pretty nice, but as you're about to see, you will sometimes come across some hilarious bloopers.
The Most Hilarious Photos from the Animal Kingdom!
Take a look at this hilarious collection of animal-failures.
Safety Is the Last Thing on Their Minds – Funny Pics
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FUNNY: Do These Engineers KNOW What They're Doing?
This hilarious collection is all about engineering fails, construction mistakes and silly designs. Take a look for yourself!
Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
This western is so funny and breaks all conventions. Only watch if you don't mind foul language!
Hilarious: You Can Only See Scenes Like This In AUSTRALIA!
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The Wit and Humor of Groucho Marx – Funny Compilation
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Three Sly Phone Scams That Could Cost You Big Time...
Phone scams are nothing new, but the way they are being executed now could catch you out when you least expect it. Here's what to look out for!