The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
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Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
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Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
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Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
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Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
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When Two Old Ladies Sit Down and Make Us Laugh!
Hilarious and classic sketch from the Mrs. Brown classic show.
Joke: Making This Call About a Wedding is a Tough Decision
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The Ridiculous Shenanigans of Laurel and Hardy
Laurel and Hardy never fail to make us laugh.
This is What Happens When Translations Go Wrong...
These examples of translated English didn't quite turn out as intended, with hilarious results!
Hilarious: These Dogs Never Saw it Coming...
When these dogs get pranked, they can't believe it!
These Hilarious Kids Were Left Unsupervised...
When toddlers or young children are left on their own, the likelihood is a disaster will ensue. Here are 20 timely reminders why they shouldn't be left alone!
You Won't Believe What This Little Old Lady Gets Up To...
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These Cats and Dogs Cause Complete Christmas Carnage!
You dog or cat might be the world's most innocent creature for most of the year, but as soon as the holiday season comes around all this changes in a heartbeat.
This Has Got to be the World's Funniest Orchestra!
This orchestra not only provides you with great music, but great laughs as well.
15 Witty and Funny Marathon Signs That Made Us Chuckle
These absolutely wacky, witty, and hilarious signs were spotted at the NYC Marathon.
These Senior Cartoons Will Make Anyone Laugh Out Loud
A collection of 20 hilarious comic strips and funny cartoons about aging.
These 15 Signs Are Beyond Funny!
Are you ready for your daily dose of laughs? We really hope you are, as this collection of 15 hilarious signs is beyond funny!
Hilarious: These Hilarious Repairs Will Really Crack You Up!
Here are 14 hilarious repair fails that are bound to give you a good laugh!
These Signs Are Way Too Funny!
You know what time it is? It’s time for some hilariously funny sign!
These Truths About Marriage are Bound Crack You Up!
These absolute truths about marriage will really crack you up!
It’s Impossible NOT to Laugh at These 15 Hilarious Signs
It’s impossible NOT to laugh at these sidesplitting signs!
20 Terrible Translations That'll Make You Laugh!
Check out these 20 outrageously terrible translations that will make you laugh your head off!
20 Funny Quotes for All the Introverts Out There
Do you identify yourself as an introvert? Then you will relate to these hilarious quotes.
These Guys Have Some WEIRD Choices in Christmas Sweaters!
Some people just have bizarre tastes when it comes to Christmas sweaters.
Simon's Cat Presents: A Day in the Life of a Cat!
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The Classic Comedy of Rowan Atkinson: A Full Performance!
The comedy of Rowan Atkinson like you've never seen him before - a full performance!
These Funny Photos Show People's Relationship With Food!
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10 Minutes of the Funniest Food Pranks!
10 minutes of pure prank fun with food pranks by Just For Laughs.
20 Hilarious Comic Strips to Bring Joy to Your Day!
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Only in Canada: 18 Pics That Perfectly Describe the Place!
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20 Funny Signs That Prove Churches Have a Sense of Humor
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George Carlin Had a Funny Way of Telling the Truth!
Mr George Carlin's legacy will be fondly remembered for many years. There are not many people who can entertain, amuse, and delight by asking a simple question.
Hilarious: This Just May Be Why Building Codes Exist...
20 examples of the worst construction flaws, that will hopefully remind you to hire a professional next time.
Hilarious: 15 Signs You Love Coffee Just a Bit Too Much
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These 14 Hilarious Vet Signs Are Gonna Crack You Up!
From unapologetic puns about neutering pets to side-splitting two-liners about the differences between cats and dogs, get ready to laugh your head off!
This Rude Prank Will Have You Screaming With Laughter!
When the a gag team sets up a secret love affair between a priest and a couple of nuns, the resulting chaos that ensues will make you scream with laughter!
Hilarious: The Marriage Dictionary!
Have you been through the marriage dictionary yet? I think you'll find that the definitions it contains are much different to the ones in a regular dictionary.
You're Never Too Old To Have Fun! These Seniors Prove It
There may be some seniors who'd rather take life slowly. But others, do not want to waste a second having fun.
19 Photos Proving That Sleeping Pets Is the Funniest Thing
Have you ever caught your pet in an awkward sleeping position? If so, you know these can be really hilarious!
Interior Design Fails: You Won't Believe This!
Some people have to live with really absurd home designs that make no sense. Take a look.