The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Come On, Honey...
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Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
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This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
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Joke: Wedding Decisions
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Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
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14 Halloween Decorations for People with a Sense of Humor
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The Wit of Mark Twain: Quotes that are Amusing and True
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This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
13 Hilarious Protest Signs That'll Make You Laugh!
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Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
These Have to Be the Most Oddly Specific Signs Ever Made
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The Funniest Questions About Retirement are Finally Answered
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Excuse Me, But Are These Signs for REAL?!?
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My All-Time Favorite Broken-English Signs
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Funny: Best of Paranormal Pranks!
Get prepared to meet vampires, monsters and scary things as you laugh out loud!
These Photos Are so Ironic You'll Howl with Laughter!
The pictures you're about to see are so permeated with irony that they are scarcely believable. Here are 29 of the most ironic pictures you'll ever see.
What On Earth Were People Thinking When They Did This???
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Hilarious! Buying a Bed Takes Some Thought...(RUDE)
When an attractive customer needs convincing about a certain bed, the salesman can't believe his luck!
In Pictures: Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2023!
Enjoy the hilarious winners of the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023!
These Brilliant Comic Strips Reveal Winter's Funny Side...
These comics perfectly portray the funny side of winter, and you'll find that many of the ideas they present are painfully true!
Are These the Funniest Animal Photos Ever Captured?
If you love animals, then get ready to laugh your head off, since the annual Comedy Wildlife Awards are with us once again!
Kidding in the Rain: A Collection of Rainy-Day Pranks!
A hilarious collection of pranks by just for laughs focusing on rainy days.
HILARIOUS: What Would You Do If You Saw This Happening?
What would you do if you saw a scene like this? It's hilarious to see how the people in this video react to what they see going on in front of them!
Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!
This Amusing Prank Involves a Frying Pan...
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Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
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16 Parenthood Comics That’ll Make You Roll In the Aisles
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Hilarious Sketch: The Great Piano Concerto
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Not the Greatest Boy Scout - Hilarious!
A silly but hilarious prank the whole family will enjoy.
Pets That Never Fail to Make Us Laugh & Brighten Our Day
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Hilarious: The Funniest Restaurant Names!
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Hilarious: The Silliest Things in Life are FINALLY Explained
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Uproarious: Please Don't Sit Next to Me, Mr. Bean!
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How Much Sleep Do We Need at Different Ages?
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Hilarious: The Marriage Dictionary!
Have you been through the marriage dictionary yet? I think you'll find that the definitions it contains are much different to the ones in a regular dictionary.
You'd Think These Hilarious Signs Wouldn't Be Needed!
Whoever decided to put these hilarious signs up was clearly intent on having a laugh.
The Empty Car Drive Through Prank!
Some people come up with the silliest pranks, but what do we care, we're the ones who get to laugh out loud at the bewilderment of these drive through workers, as a car driven by a ghost goes to collect its order...
17 Street Signs That Will Make You Crow With Laughter
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I Swear Officer, I Was Framed!
These people thought they were helping film a prank, but they didn't realize what will happen next...
These Funny Photos Show People's Relationship With Food!
There's no doubting that everyone's relationship with food is different, and this leads to people creating hilarious memes related to it! Take a look.
25 Pictures that Prove Photographers are Crazy!
Some people are willing to go above and beyond what is needed (or safe) in order to take the perfect photo...
15 Quirky Spanish Idioms That'll Brighten Your Day
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Do You Have the Same Problems With YOUR Kids?
Almost as soon as they learn how to speak, your kids learn to speak back. First it's "no", then it's "I don't wanna" and soon enough they're closing the door to their room and listening to their terrible music. Well, at least you can take comfort in
20 Savage "Burns" That Will Live on Forever...
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Hilarious: How Weirs is the English Language?
English is a really funny language, especially when considering how meanings can be changed when punctuation's omitted. Take a look at these 9 hysterical memes.