If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Joke: Wedding Decisions
A bride and a groom are with a pastor finalizing details for their wedding day. The pastor asks them whether they want a traditional or contemporary wedding...
Hilarious: What is a Bird Looking For on a Rugby Field?
In this video, we're cracking jokes about disappearing balls, strange outfits, and dancing players.
This Joke Starts With an Elderly Couple At a Travel Agency
Two elderly people are spotted by a travel agent at his agency's window. He promptly invites them in and discusses sending them on a dream vacation...
Joke: The Newlyweds and the Strict Priest...
These newlyweds were asked to do something difficult...
Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
Enjoy this funny joke about a guy who wanted his stutter removed...
Hilarious: Mother Versus Father, Who Does it Better?
When it comes to parenting, who does it better, mothers or fathers?
These Cats and Dogs Cause Complete Christmas Carnage!
You dog or cat might be the world's most innocent creature for most of the year, but as soon as the holiday season comes around all this changes in a heartbeat.
Watch Out! Cats Have Taken Over Supermarkets Everywhere!
These sweet and funny pictures of cats in supermarkets will warm your heart.
Hilarious: 22 Witty and Clever Cartoons!
22 of the funniest New Yorker cartoons that are just clever enough to be funny but not mysteriously so.
These 14 Hilarious Vet Signs Are Gonna Crack You Up!
From unapologetic puns about neutering pets to side-splitting two-liners about the differences between cats and dogs, get ready to laugh your head off!
18 Hilariously Weird Signs We Just Had to Share
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Hilarious: 16 Absolutely Laugh-Worthy Construction Blunders
These construction fails will make you question everything.
Funny Jokes: And then the Fight Started...
The jokes in this collection all have a common theme - how to start a fight with your spouse!
HILARIOUS: The Office Can Be a Funny Place!
Four short and funny jokes about office and business situations!
Hilarious: These Cheesy Puns Will Make You Giggle!
These cheesy puns will have your family and friends cringing first, and tittering with laughter second. Enjoy there 20 cheesy puns that are made to share.
Sometimes All You Need is One Line to Make You Laugh...
28 hilarious and short jokes! Read them all at once or come back and read one every day, no funny business
Hilarious: You Can Only See Scenes Like This In AUSTRALIA!
Australia is pretty unique, so good luck finding photos like these anywhere else...
Hilarious: How Cold IS IT?
Don’t like the chilly weather? Then you will relate to these hilarious winter memes.
And the Award for the Worst Driver of the Year Goes To…
Car crashes aren’t supposed to be funny. So, why can’t we stop laughing at these ridiculous ones?
Hilarious: Rowan Atkinson Welcomes You to Hell
Watch this hilarious British comedian's take on the devil introducing new sinners to hell.
Hilarious: The Real Dogs Behind the "Beware Dog" Signs
Here are 12 hilarious “Beware of the Dog” signs and the cuties behind those signs.
Hilarious: Ready for Some Christmas Cartoons?
Here we've collected for you a series of funny Christmas cartoons for you to enjoy and to share with your family and friends!
These Hilarious Pictures Will Have You Laughing Out Loud
These photos will have you laughing out loud.
These Birds Have Gone Crazy! Somebody Stop Them!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of the funniest bird videos.
"Engrish" Can be a Confusing Language...
This series of English signs from around the world will make you laugh and wonder all at the same time.
Funny: Wedding Days Aren't Supposed to Go Like This...
These weddings didn't quite go quite as planned...they'll crack you up!
Hilarious: They'll Never Notice if I Take Just One Piece...
Watch how these sneaky pooches get caught stealing food. You'll laugh so hard you'll cry!
These FUNNY Spring Jokes Will Blossom Your Mood!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of spring jokes and puns.
These 18 Pictures Sum Up What It’s Like to Visit Canada
Just like any country in the world, Canada has its funny quirks. These are the funny things that make Canada special!
15 Quirky Spanish Idioms That'll Brighten Your Day
Who doesn’t love a funny idiom? Today, let’s learn about some hilariously quirky Spanish idioms.
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
My All-Time Favorite Broken-English Signs
English may be well-known but it's not always well-written. Here are some hilarious signs
These Doormats Are Just Hilarious (16 Pics)
Amuse your guests with these ridiculously creative door mats.
These Chatty Parrots Will Crack You Up!
Talking parrots provide their owners with many hilarious moments, especially when they are in a chatty mood...
Hilariously Adorable: Cutest Babies Fighting With Siblings
These baby fights will have you laughing and smiling.
Funny Pics - The Most Outrageous Car Repair Jobs
These are the most outrageous car repair jobs you’ll ever see.
These Illustrated Pet Confessions Just Got Me Laughing
These pet confessions show what your pets are really thinking about, with a great dose of humor!
These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
The iconic Tex-Mex restaurant, El Arroyo is back with some more hilariously clever signs.
15 Vintage Photos That Will Make You Laugh
These weird and funny vintage photos don't make any sense!
17 Hilarious Quotes That Sum Up the Quirks of Traveling
Explore the world of humor through these funny travel quotes.
Classic Comedy: Sure, I Can Play the Concerto!
In this classic skit, world famous conductor Andre Previn attempts to get Eric Morecambe to play Grieg's Piano Concerto. How will they get on?
Do You Remember This Classic Sketch? What a Riot!
Benny Hill goes to the big apple and teaches us a few things about meeting women.
How Much Sleep Do We Need at Different Ages?
How much sleep do we need at 15? Is it the same at 35 or 60? No, and that is exactly what we would like to teach you about
Classic Comedy: The Three Santas...
The Three Stooges all dressed up as Santa Claus in Arabia
In Need of a Good Laugh? Check Out These Signs
Some shopkeepers have a hilarious sense of humor. Read these funny signs here!