If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
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These Seniors Live Life According to Their Own Rules...
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Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
Mrs. Brown will give you a big grin with another hilarious scene.
These Photos Could Only Have Been Taken In China...
China is a unique country full of unique characters, and this picture series proves it!
Hilarious: Some of the Funniest Shop Names I've Seen!
These restaurants are worth visiting just for their hilarious names!
This Stand-Up Routine is as Funny as They Come!
This has got to be one of the funniest stand up routines of all time by Kevin Bridges. He may have a confusing accent, but he's a straight shooter and no doubt about it - a very funny man.
Over 100 Dad Jokes to Make You the Corniest!
Over 100 cringy dad jokes in several categories, including cheesy dad jokes, corny dad jokes, dumb dad jokes, dad jokes for adults, dirty dad jokes and more.
What the Heck Was Going On in These 25 Photographs!
Sometimes you just have to throw you hands up and ask: 'what the hell are all these people in the photos were thinking?'
14 One Liners That You Can Use to Amuse!
14 one liners that will make any party a lot of fun and get everyone laughing.
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This fresh batch of hilarious signs is not to be missed!
This Unforgettable & Hilarious Performance is One-of-a-Kind!
You don't see such effortless grace in comedy as with these two love birds anymore.
Simon's Cat Requires a Hilarious Visit to the Vet!
This Simon's Cat special is 12-minutes long and in full color! Watch this hilarious episode here.
Weirdly Interesting Family Photoshoots - 14 Funny Pics
These family photos are embarrassing but hilarious.
Some Animals Just Weren't Meant to Be Pets...
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A photo series of things you can only see in Africa.
These Punny Illustrations Will Give You a Good Chuckle
Enjoy this collection of illustrated puns by artist Teo Zirinis.
These Funny Quotes Will Inspire You With a Smile
Let these humorous quotes about life put a smile on your face.
These 'Genius' Repairs Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!
These photos prove that being an amateur engineer for a day may not work out as well as you'd like!
Hilarious! Here Are 15 Animals Having a Really Bad Day...
Humans aren't the only ones who can have a really bad day every once in a while, and these 15 hilarious photos prove it!
Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
Watch What Happens When Simon's Cat Gets Stuck in a Tree
What happens when Simon's Cat gets stuck in a tree? Hilarious!
These Grammar Jokes Are a Silly & Funny Play On Words!
If you're one to titter at a good grammar joke, then you'll absolutely love the 14 that you can find in this post.
Lost In Translation: 17 Hilariously WEIRD Signs
It’s time for another hilarious collection of translation fails!
21 Single-Panel Comics That Deliver the Laughs
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-frame comics by Doug Hill.
Excuse Me, But Are These Signs for REAL?!?
Who comes up with these hilarious ideas and useless ideas for signs?
You'll Never Guess How THIS Video Ends...
This hilarious short film won countless awards and endless praise.
How Much Sleep Do We Need at Different Ages?
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17 Unexpected Objects With Friendly Faces!
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The Funny Difference Between Male & Female Brains
If you're a man, or if you're a woman, you will probably find this video compilation utterly hilarious.
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22 Hilarious Reasons That'll Make You Love Cats More!
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Uproarious: Please Don't Sit Next to Me, Mr. Bean!
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Laugh Until You Howl: The WILDEST Animal Pranks
Have a roaring time with these howlarious wild animal pranks by Just for Laughs.
Can You Watch This Entire Video Without Laughing?
From guilty dogs, to funny cat fails, monkeys, funny squirrels, horses and so on. Take a look at this hilarious compilation:
Only in Canada: 18 Pics That Perfectly Describe the Place!
There really is no other place like Canada, and these pictures prove it.
These Truly Outrageous Sights Can Only be Found in Russia!
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16 Intensely Funny Signs Spotted In the Wild
These 16 unintentionally funny signs are guaranteed to make you hoot with laughter!
Hilarious: The Gunslinger and the Evil Voice! (Rude Humor)
This western is so funny and breaks all conventions. Only watch if you don't mind foul language!