1. Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
2. I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kind of liked it.
3. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
4. How do you kill a circus?
5. Nurse: “Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
6. The stationary store moved.
7. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? I hear it’s making headlines.
8. Comic Sans walks into a bar.
9. Did you hear about the psychic midget that robbed a bank?
10. Why are New Yorkers so depressed?
11. It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
12. What did the ocean say to the beach?
13. There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?”
14. Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!
15. “What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino?”
16. The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that’s un oeuf.
17. Two atoms are walking down the street, one says to the other:
18. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?
19. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
20. “Knock knock”