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The New English Definitions!

It seems that a lot of our old definitions for things are just that: Old.

So a group of scientists (and comedians) have decided to create a new list of definitions for the new year!

Here are some of the new definitions we loved the most:

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

Father: The banker nature gave children.

Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections.

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills. 

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies.

Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.

Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions.

Yawn: The only time married men are allowed to open their mouth.

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

An adult: A person who has stopped growing from either end and now just grows in the middle.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Chicken: The only animal we eat before it's born as well as after it's dead.

Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.


Images courtesy of: Arvind Balaraman, imagerymajestic, stockimages, rakratchada torsap, Clare Bloomfield, David Castillo Dominici / freedigitalphotos.net

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